She be so ratchet

Ratchet=nasty. My students think that I am not cultured enough in "today's" language, so they have decided to teach me a new word every day. And who said you stop learning? NEVER. Have you ever had one of those nights when you just think the most random things and none of those things connect? It's like, "Hey thoughts! Let's play connect the invisible dots." So I was thiinking just now about dots and that made me think about being chased by a crocodile. Very scary thought. So I googled "What to do when being chased by a crocodile" and it gave me the following information:

• Since the crocodile is surprising fast on land, run in a zigzag motion for the crocodile has little or no ability to make sudden changes of direction.

I got so tickled. First, I of all people would find myself in that predicament. Second, can you picture running in a zigzag motion? Me the girl who falls so often? Third, who thinks while being chased, "Oh wait. A crocodile has little or no ability to change direction so I'm going to run in a zigzag motion." No thank you. I shall just run.

Luckily I have yet to be chased by a crocodile. Life is so good and very busy. My students are awesome! They are so sweet even though I want to sucker punch them sometimes. They did throw me my first surprise birthday party EVER. I was so shocked and grateful. They do have such kind hearts.

Speaking of kind hearts, wasn't it totally awesome that LL Cool J prayed on the Grammy's last night? What a statement that made! That did give me glimmer of hope for our world. I kind of want to send him some fanmail. I would always send JTT fanmail. I never got a response--that punk. Go sing to yourself you lion lover!

I'm so tired yet I hear the ocean. I would love to be on a ship right now with Sawyer or Jack from LOST. Oh be still my beating heart! You are beating so quickly that Dr. Jack might have to do surgery, you bad heart you. I really want to go to the beach. This summer I shall go to a beach. Where? I have no earthly, but I can tell you this. I will NOT get a heat rash because I will not. That's all I know to tell you. If you've ever had a heat rash, you think you're skin is dying.

Goodnight fair friends. Dream sweet dreams. I'm going to dream about oceans and writing in Spanish with one hand and English with the other...simultaneously. Mark Twain said to "explore, dream and discover". Marky Mark...you be so smart. You so not ratchet.

Things on my mind at the EXACT moment in time

1.       I’ve eaten so badly this week. And I wonder why I can’t fit into my pants. I have no idea how chocolate sauce just magically appears in the bowl in my hand. No idea. The banana under the chocolate sauce counteracts the butter, sugar, and (get ready for it) skim milk heavy whipping cream. Whoa Sally. Whoa donut ring on my belly. How in the world did you get there?

2.       How I wish it would be light outside at 5:45 in the morning so I could go running. I did it for two weeks, but I have now stopped for two reasons. The first is my paranoia that someone will attack me because it’s dark and no one will know because I’m all by my lonesome. I wonder where that fear came from… The second is I am clumsy and sometimes trip. A girl in my book club fell running and fractured her elbow. I can just imagine myself walking back home, crying, with a bone hanging out of my arm.

   

3.       The dream I had last night that my gap in my front teeth had returned. What a nightmare.

4.       If I practiced Jainism, it would be kind of acceptable to walk around completely naked. Hhhhmmmm……………

5.   It's strange that I suddenly appeared on a new television series last night. I suddenly got popular today and received texts from everyone about how the girl on the new show "New Girl" is just like you. In fact, she is you.  No lie. So I watched it. And...I laughed. And...it's true. It felt like an out-of-body experience, except that I was in my body watching another body. Ya know?

Those are my thoughts. Sometimes folks, there are times when I think more than one thing. That's called mulitasking.

Yelling

I guess I wouldn't necessarily call it yelling. I'll preface with that. Laying out at the pool (my sister's old apartment pool btw), I was sitting in the water reading my Rick Steves' book on Spain. The pool is quite large, too large for this incident to happen. As I'm reading, water hits my face AND my book. It was a little girl shooting a water gun right at me from across the pool. I moved my book and said, "No" in a very stern voice. Her face fell and all eyes were in me. I went back to reading and was thinking, "I just scolded another person's child." The parent never said anything to me thank goodness. I realized at that moment in time that the teacher will never leave me. I haven't decided yet if that's a good or bad thing...I need a vacay. Oh wait! I'm going on Sunday :).


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Major exhaustion

Ya'll. I am tired. But what a good tired. Ya know from doing fun things. So let's back track to the weekend before this one, April 2. Libby, Jill, Valerie, and I traveled to Searcy, AR to go to the Avett Brothers concert. Little did we know that there was going to be a Harding reunion. What joy filled my heart! I just couldn't help myself. I saw people that I hadn't seen since graduation (5 years in May) or before. It was an awesome time! The concert was incredible and ya'll I mean it. They are such a lively band, such great performers, that I can feel their music in my soul. That's how moved I am. Some songs I actually cried either because the words struck a feeling within me or the banjo picking was amazing.

Avett Brothers

While on the HU campus, we thought we'd take Libby for a tour of Bison country. We took her through the front lawn and made fun of all the "young love" couples. Then we went to the fountain and took pics. Of course we had to take pictures to document this momentous occasion. I don't know how ya'll feel when you walk back in time, but I felt a tinge of sadness. It was very nostalgic, very surreal. As I looked back on places where we gathered for Kojie pics on Patti Cobb or the sidewalk where we walked every single day, it made me realize that I am getting older. I know, 27 years is not that old, but it's still older than 18. I look at those places and see how each event has molded me, and it makes me think about my possible children and how easily a life can be influenced for good or bad. Who knows if I'll even have kids, but I hope they get the opportunity to go HU (and of course be a Kojie).

Valerie, Jill, Libby, and me

Catching up with old friends Laura and Kari.

Can't go anywhere without a classic drink spill.

This past weekend, six Harding girls including myself, had a Friday night getaway to Hot Springs Village. Carrie's inlaws have a house there, and it made the perfect spot for a retreat and sunbathing. It was good to catch up with all my friends and just relax. I also got some nice color. Yes I was wearing sunscreen.


 It was also Lana's birthday weekend so Carrie made a very yummy cake. I have such wonderful, generous friends!

On Saturday, we layed out on the deck. Lindsey's and Carrie's husbands decided to stop by and give us some company.

I drove to Searcy this morning for church then went to Caleb and Brooke's wedding shower. I feel like I've driven all over the state. Back to reality: grading tests and doing homework. Yay!

Peace and blessings,
Ashe

P.S. So I had a Bernice moment...Dad drove me back to Harding to get my car. I cannot find my keys for anything. I empty out my purse, and still no sign of my keys. I then call my sister to see if I left them in her car. As she's searching her car, I lift up my purse, and Voila! There are my keys laying in my lap. Dad and I have a big ol' laugh about that. He called me Bernice because why? I am my mother :)

My latest read has poisoned me into wanting another master's degree

I said I would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION TRILLION YEARS go back to school, but I am having second thoughts. My new friend, Sarah, got her master's in public health and has traveled many places through her work with the Peace Corp. She recently got a job based out of Atlanta, GA where she will be focusing on the country of Kazakhstan. She will be educating the people there about health and wellness. She won't have to live there, but she will get to visit often. She will be doing research about things they are doing now (drinking water from the river where they also dump their feces, etc) so that she and the others on her team can better educate the people.

That is exactly what I did in Guatemala six years ago. I also got to play doctor :). Her stories have lit a fire inside of me. What if this is what I am supposed to do in life? I love teaching, and I would still be doing that. I would be teaching a different subject to a different age of people. I would get to travel and help people in a totally different way.

Another thing that spurred these feelings was my latest read, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. This book has educated me on the Congo in Africa, a place which I have not been knowledgeable. It was so enlightening, and I didn't want it to end. My friend, Sarah, spent a lot of time in Africa during her time with the Peace Corp and said the book was very true. You can read the synopsis here.

So ya'll, I probably will not get another master's degree. I am content with what I am doing. Plus, I still want to open my bakery one day. I WILL do that too. Just wait and see.

HUMILIFIED

Ya'll, I sometimes wonder if I'm even here. It's like I'm never where I should be in my mind. I know! That makes no sense but it makes sense to me so just go play by yourself. With all of this weird talk, I am reminded of a quote from the movie My Father the Hero. Remember that one? Gee, I still love that movie. That was back in the young Katherine Heigl days...and that boy was SO FINE. Ok so Andre, the dad, is talking to his girlfriend: "I am not there for you. Where ever I am I am never there, where I am! I wish you would all just leave me alone!"

That's kind of how I have felt the past two days. I think grad school decided to sneak up on me all at once (or maybe I just got lazy). Whichever one it was, I have grounded myself until all assignments are complete. I'm very serious people of blogland. I have grounded myself from LOST. I cannot watch another episode until all grad school work is complete. You better believe dog gone it that I am trying to finish by this weekend. I'm working like a dooooggggg. That's a line from I Love You, Man--my go to movie for a little laughy laugh. 

I had a "I thought I wasn't going to graduate" scare yesterday. I won't go into details because they are long and boring, but let's just say there were tears (but no blood) shed. I guess I worry to much or just over think things in my head. WHATEVER it was, I think it's fine now. Last night was supposed to be devoted to researching my Europe trip, but I was stuck working on this stupid video and paperwork. Even this morning I continued working until 8:00. Yes, I was late to school (we don't have to be there until 8:15), but only by 5 minutes. As I'm driving to school on 630 taking the ramp for I-30, I felt that my toes were exceptionally warm. How nice on this chilly morning! Uh no, not so nice. I look down to find my toes were exceptionally warm because I HAD ON MY STINKING HOUSE SHOES!  I mean, what looney toon planet was I shipped out of this morning? Who does that? I'll tell ya who. Crazies! Those are soon to be in straight jackets.

The Europe trip update: I have no idea. I am frazzled. I need help. I am excited but don't feel it. I don't know. Why can't I feel it? Because I don't know where I'm going after Julie and Brian leave me all alone. That's why. I need Brian to map out my trip for me.

What I'll be singing all alone in Barcelona...by myself...with no one to talk to...but myself.

When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go downtown. When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry seems to help, I know, downtown. Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city. Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty. How can you lose?  OH BUT YOU CAN BECAUSE I'LL BE ALL ALONE!

But no fear because I have a very good FANTASTIC movie that gets me in brighter spirits. In fact, here's one of my most favorite parts:

Have a good Thursday!!

Adventures of Ashleyberry Finn

Wasn't it just a gorgeous day! I wanted to roll around in the grass like a dog, but I decided to go sit on a patio instead. Jill and I went to U.S. Pizza and let the wind blow through our hair. I may never get my hair brushed out tonight. Then we went to the new Brazilian bakery Rosalia's. Talk about melting in your mouth! Jill got a chocolate cupcake and I got a Carolina. Carolina must've been a fluffy lady because this pastry was stuffed with all kinds of wonderful mousse. Whoa.







And then, we did something bold. Something so daring I freaked OUT. We trespassed! There's this awesome house for sale on Lookout, and we drove around to see the back. Well, friends, the gate was open. It wad saying, "Come in. Your life wont feel complete." So we did.




Have a great Saturday night! Do something daring.

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Do you ever have those moments when you are in the middle place of emotions?

So I had lunch with my parents, Brittany, and Caleb today at Dixie Cafe. Not my choice, but I didn't complain. I even drove all the way to Cabot to eat because I hadn't seen my dad yet. I haven't seen my parents since Christmas or been home to Nashville since Christmas. I've been a very bad family member. I'll make up for it--I promise. By the way, this was the first time in a very long time that it has just been us five. No Waylan or Brooke this time. It was very strange but nice. Me likey.

I hug the parents bye, and no sooner than I drive out of my parking spot, the tears flow. Cry me a river, why don't ya. I was caught in this middle place of "little Ashley" and "big Ashley". It never gets easier leaving my parents whether it's in the parking lot of Dixie Cafe or driving down my dirt road back to LR.   The tears always come. Of course they don't know this (I guess they will now). I remember my mother saying this when we would leave Memphis, how it was so hard to leave. In college I couldn't wait to get back to my friends, but now? Now I want to go back, but I want to stay. Those of you who don't live in the same town as your parents, please tell me you know what I'm talking about. There's just something about driving away and leaving. What if I never see them again? What if something happens to them? Sometimes I just wish I had my parents here all the time. Those of you who have that privilege, you have no idea how fortunate you are. To have people that can love you in person. That's life though. UGH! I'm not complaining. I'm just stating my feelings. A statation of the feelation.

Some think we look alike...

The Outsiders had their second meeting tonight, and I must say it went quite well. We actually discussed the book, and we did so quite thoroughly. We discussed House Rules by Jodi Picoult which turned out to be a very good discussion because it deals with Asberger's. Those types of issues can be very controversial and lead to very heated discussions. I hope we were that table that was annoyingly loud talking about awesome things. I'm sure we sounded intelligenter (or is it more intelligent?) (I do think it's more intelligent...) than everyone else talking with really big words. Our next month's read is Push by Sapphire. That will be very relevant to my students, and I'm very excited to finally read it. I saw the movie and was naseauted at such behavior. Truly naseauted that things like that happen. Every. Single. Day. 

I thought my sweet little old lady neighbor died today. Caroline said she saw an ambulance and a police car there this morning, and there were tons of cars there this afternoon. She was however, sitting up on the gurney when they willed her out. Hhhhmmm...I will try to unfold the myster tomorrow. But just in case she did pass away, pray for her family. She was (or is) a sweet old lady. Either way, prayer is good and ambulances are bad. If you don't remember the one time when I called a woman from church about her husband dying, you must read this.

Need a laugh?

Ya'll, sometimes I wonder about myself. Am I real? Am I competent? Should I be in charge of young children? Let's just say grad school has begun; I am taking three classes and teaching full time. My incident today will show that my mind is wearing very, very thin. I'll set up the convo: I get a call this morning while on duty so I check the voicemail. It's Linda from church. She said that Mr. Holmes had died just now, and she wanted to let me know that since I am in charge of the food team for January. I told myself I would handle that after school.

After school, I get out my church directory and look up the number to the deceased man's family. The following is the conversation I had today at 2:54 pm:

(Ring ring)

Mrs. Conway: Hello?

Me: Hi Mrs. Conway. This is Ashley Jamison from church.

Mrs. C: Well hello! How are you? (quite chipper seeing that her husband had just died)

Me: Well I should be asking you that. I heard about your husband this morning. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mrs. C: SILENCE [She must be so sad. I mean her husband just died]

Me: I wanted to call and offer my condolences and to see if there's anything we can do to help out.

Mrs. C: SILENCE [Wow...she's so grief stricken she can't even speak.]

Me: Have you made funeral arrangements? Do you know when the funeral is?

Mrs. C: Well, I hope it's not for a few more years.

Me: Oh....ok. [I was thinking, "ooh gross. She wants to keep him for a long time. Think necrophilia at its best. Think A Rose for Emily by William Faulkner. Should I report this to the police? No, she's just in mourning. Normal response...not quite but oh well.]

Mrs. C: You must know something I don't know because he's up walking around.

Me: Mrs. Conway, your husband didn't die did he?

Mrs. C: No, he's standing right here.

Me: Well, can you tell me who did?

Mrs. C: I have no idea I haven't heard.

Me: I wonder if it was Mr. Holmes. Well I'm glad your husband is alive!

Mrs. C: Me too! [At least she kind of laughed about it]. You even called us last week to check on him when he got out of the hospital.

Me: That's right. I did. Well, I'm glad everything is alright. See you tonight at church!


Yes, that really happened. Why I am the cause of such misfortunes I will never know.