Need a laugh?

Ya'll, sometimes I wonder about myself. Am I real? Am I competent? Should I be in charge of young children? Let's just say grad school has begun; I am taking three classes and teaching full time. My incident today will show that my mind is wearing very, very thin. I'll set up the convo: I get a call this morning while on duty so I check the voicemail. It's Linda from church. She said that Mr. Holmes had died just now, and she wanted to let me know that since I am in charge of the food team for January. I told myself I would handle that after school.

After school, I get out my church directory and look up the number to the deceased man's family. The following is the conversation I had today at 2:54 pm:

(Ring ring)

Mrs. Conway: Hello?

Me: Hi Mrs. Conway. This is Ashley Jamison from church.

Mrs. C: Well hello! How are you? (quite chipper seeing that her husband had just died)

Me: Well I should be asking you that. I heard about your husband this morning. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mrs. C: SILENCE [She must be so sad. I mean her husband just died]

Me: I wanted to call and offer my condolences and to see if there's anything we can do to help out.

Mrs. C: SILENCE [Wow...she's so grief stricken she can't even speak.]

Me: Have you made funeral arrangements? Do you know when the funeral is?

Mrs. C: Well, I hope it's not for a few more years.

Me: Oh....ok. [I was thinking, "ooh gross. She wants to keep him for a long time. Think necrophilia at its best. Think A Rose for Emily by William Faulkner. Should I report this to the police? No, she's just in mourning. Normal response...not quite but oh well.]

Mrs. C: You must know something I don't know because he's up walking around.

Me: Mrs. Conway, your husband didn't die did he?

Mrs. C: No, he's standing right here.

Me: Well, can you tell me who did?

Mrs. C: I have no idea I haven't heard.

Me: I wonder if it was Mr. Holmes. Well I'm glad your husband is alive!

Mrs. C: Me too! [At least she kind of laughed about it]. You even called us last week to check on him when he got out of the hospital.

Me: That's right. I did. Well, I'm glad everything is alright. See you tonight at church!


Yes, that really happened. Why I am the cause of such misfortunes I will never know.