Freshman year of college that is. With the whole booger picking/eating incident in my class yesterday, my memories began to flow--the memories about my freshman year suitemate. I have two words for you: pot luck. That should tell you everything you need to know about her. We didn't choose her AT ALL. Now let me set the record straight and say that Lindsey and I loved April, our other suitemate. She happened to go pot luck too. And well, let's just say it wasn't good for any of the parties involved.
This poor girl. Now don't start thinking that we bullied her. We didn't. We might have laughed at her on occasion, but please don't hold that against us. She was a special girl; she was addicted to the television. I mean that literally. She would go into a trance and wouldn't even blink her eyes. Lindsey and I would find her in our room when we'd walk in from class, crouched down watching the tv. We called our parents and complained, but no. They didn't believe us. She loved cafeteria take out. She loved it so much she would leave her take-out boxes in the room for several days causing a mighty stench and flies to circle around. I remember April bought fans and clipped dryer sheets to them to help combat the smell.
We dealt with all of this for months until finally we put a stop to it. Our parents still didn't believe we were living with a smelly tv addict. So we took matters into our own hands...or maybe I should say into our own camcorder. With this tv addiction came the trances. She would't know if there was a tornado outside because she's be so enthralled in the tv. So we decided to record her for our parents. We sat the camcorder directly on top of the tv and positioned it to where she always stood. She came in after a three hour conversation with her grandmother (in which she spoke in the third person about herself), and the trance began. She stayed for about 10 or so minutes then left. Mind you, this was around 2 in the morning. Lindsey and I watch the video and low and behold we see our suitemate pick her nose and eat her boogers not once but TWICE! She then proceeded to clean out her fingernails...with her teeth.
Grotesque. I know. I lived with that. But don't worry fair friends. When our parents saw the video, they realized we were living in a poor hygienic state. We found a new roommate for this poor girl, and we then became a suite of three. Then we all lived happily ever after.
And did I mention that on the second day of school when I was still terribly homesick she used my brand new washcloth that I'd received for graduation to wipe her fecal matter?
1 year ago