Flashback to freshman year

Freshman year of college that is. With the whole booger picking/eating incident in my class yesterday, my memories began to flow--the memories about my freshman year suitemate. I have two words for you: pot luck. That should tell you everything you need to know about her. We didn't choose her AT ALL. Now let me set the record straight and say that Lindsey and I loved April, our other suitemate. She happened to go pot luck too. And well, let's just say it wasn't good for any of the parties involved.

This poor girl. Now don't start thinking that we bullied her. We didn't. We might have laughed at her on occasion, but please don't hold that against us. She was a special girl; she was addicted to the television. I mean that literally. She would go into a trance and wouldn't even blink her eyes. Lindsey and I would find her in our room when we'd walk in from class, crouched down watching the tv. We called our parents and complained, but no. They didn't believe us. She loved cafeteria take out. She loved it so much she would leave her take-out boxes in the room for several days causing a mighty stench and flies to circle around. I remember April bought fans and clipped dryer sheets to them to help combat the smell.

We dealt with all of this for months until finally we put a stop to it. Our parents still didn't believe we were living with a smelly tv addict. So we took matters into our own hands...or maybe I should say into our own camcorder. With this tv addiction came the trances. She would't know if there was a tornado outside because she's be so enthralled in the tv. So we decided to record her for our parents. We sat the camcorder directly on top of the tv and positioned it to where she always stood. She came in after a three hour conversation with her grandmother (in which she spoke in the third person about herself), and the trance began. She stayed for about 10 or so minutes then left. Mind you, this was around 2 in the morning. Lindsey and I watch the video and low and behold we see our suitemate pick her nose and eat her boogers not once but TWICE! She then proceeded to clean out her fingernails...with her teeth.

Grotesque. I know. I lived with that. But don't worry fair friends. When our parents saw the video, they realized we were living in a poor hygienic state. We found a new roommate for this poor girl, and we then became a suite of three. Then we all lived happily ever after.

And did I mention that on the second day of school when I was still terribly homesick she used my brand new washcloth that I'd received for graduation to wipe her fecal matter?

Seven years ago today

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

"This is my first journal entry in my first diary ever! Yay! Audra and I ate at Mi Pueblito before Hart church. We asked the nice Backyard Burger man, Phil, to church. He didn't come but gave us his number so we cold call him next week. But we won't. We heard he exposed himself to some girls (supposedly) so I'll just not ask him.

After church, Audra and I went for a walk. Right in front of Harding Academy, we saw a naked man. Penis and all. He was standing by a tree. He was just standing there silent, not even moving. We couldn't see his face because he was standing where his face was in the shadows. After we realized what was happening, ya know, that a naked man and his parts were standing there, we ran to the nearest apartments and yelled for help. I've never out run Audra in all my life, but I sure did tonight. We turned around and saw the naked man streaking across the street, get in an unlicensed silver car and peeled out. We reported it to Harding security, Dean Huckeba and the Searcy Police (they laughed in our faces). Now isn't that the weirdest story ever?!"

Anyone remember that story?

LOST update and another important annoucement

I've got three more episodes before I finish season 3. I don't know about your feelings towards Juliet and Jack, but right now, I hope a wave sweeps them off into the ocean in the dead of night so that a shark can have his dinner. Jack is being a turnip! Juliet with all of her calmness and crap. Well, you know what? Just go be calm ALL BY YOURSELF Juliet because you are a boobhead. I so wish I could say that to her face. But for now, I will just say it to myself. And to ya'll. AND how in the world did Locke's dad get there? This is just too weird. About Juliet, I do hope my feelings change about her because she is so pretty. I'm not being shallow or anything, but her bone structure is pretty darn awesome.

It's true. I could have found just a picture of Juliet, but Sawyer is so handsome. I mean, COME ON!

It's National Tooth Fairy Day!! I knew all of you would want to know about this day, so that you can celebrate it. It's February 28, and it makes me really excited because...it makes me thankful that the tooth fairy doesn't have to come get my teeth anymore. That would be pretty bad if I was still losing teeth at my age. Nasty, rotting, decaying teeth is not what the tooth fairy had in mind, happy people. Did your parents keep all of the teeth you lost? Mine did. My dad still has them in film canisters marked Ashley, Brittany, and Caleb. Maybe he wants to make a necklace. Hhhhhmmmm.



Me circa 1985. Even then I knew I loved my teeth.

 Go brush your teeth and floss. Let's fight periodontal disease! Woohoo! To end this wonderful post, I will leave you with a Bernice quote. My mother, or G Unit as she is lovingly known, is famous for being funny and not realizing it. Here was a conversation we had yesterday about whether or not I should join the junior league:

Me: Mom, do you think I should joing the junior league?
Mom: What is it?
Me: It's a women's philanthropy group. (Here, I branch out into the pros and cons). So Mom, what do you think?
Mom: It would sound really good in your obituary.

Have a great Monday, and remember, anything you do today could go in your obituary.

September 22, 2004

This is my first journal entry in my first diary ever! Yay! Audra and I ate at Mi Pueblito before Hart church. We asked the nice Backyard Burger man, Phil, to church.  He didn't come but gave us his number so we could call him next week. But we won't. Clay Kiihnl said he exposed himself to some girls (supposedly) so I'll just not ask him. 

After church, Audra and I went for a walk. Right in front of Harding Academy, we saw a naked man, penis and all, standing by a tree.  He was just standing there silent, not even moving.  We couldn't see his face because it was in the shadows.  Audra and I ran to the nearest apartments and yelled for help.  I yelled, "There's a naked man in the trees! There's a naked man in the trees!"  I think that was the first and only time I will ever outrun Audra. The man streaked across the street, got in an unlicensed silver car and peeled out. 

We reported it to Harding Security, Dead Huckeba and the Searcy police who literally laughed in our faces. Now isn't that the weirdest story ever?!?

From the diary of Ashley Jamison, junior year of college

Brunch of the Munch: Overhang or Overhung?



HU girls brunch: L to R  Lindsey Holbert, me, Jillian Hicks, Valerie Hendrix, Amanda Burroughs, Carrie Scott, Lana Summit, and Callie Lillard. Oh and we can't forget Marie Antoinette.

My weekend. I'm going to skip Friday because it stunk. Saturday. I liked Saturday. It was our monthly (although we haven't had one in several months) Harding girls brunch. It was so great to see everyone and catch up. We heard all about skiing accidents and overhangs. It. Was. Amazing. And the food was superb. We had hashbrown casserole, french toast casserole, breakfast casserole, sweet, yummy, sticky bread, sausage balls, and nothing healthy. Julie was supposed to bring our one healthy dish, and she was a loser and got sick. Such a loserface, but we still love her. I made a new recipe, Blueberry Scones with Melted Peaches, and I was quite pleased with it. The melted peaches part gets everyone. How do you melt a peach? What is a melted peach? I think that Rachael Ray wanted to be really creative. That's my guess.

Then I went to Oaklawn for my friend, Carla's birthday. Did I ever see Carla that day to wish her a happy birthday? No, I did not. I hope she had a splendid day. It was my first Oaklawn experience, and it wasn't too shabby. I'd much rather be riding the horses then watching them run, but oh well. And it would have been even cooler had Mary Poppins come out on a carousel horse and wowed the crowd. I probably would have peed.



My heroine: Mary Poppins

My family from Memphis was visiting so I got to spend the majority of the day with them. It was great to see my Aunt Tricia and celebrate the good report she got last week. No more cancer. I've still not written a song, but I am feeling inspiration. It's coming, and it's gonna be good. Possibly a rap.

Have a great Monday everyone! And just to prepare you, I found this under my bed:

This is my diary from junior year of college. I will be sharing entries. This was the only time in my life when I kept a diary. I can't wait to share my deepest, darkest secrets with you :).

Why do we have to grow up?

Why can't we just stay little? I remember when the only worries I had were if I would get to play with Tela and if I was going to get another spanking when Daddy got home. Boy could we get into stuff! There was this one time when Tela and I found baby rabbits. We took them back to Tela's house, and low and behold they start foaming at the mouth and acting all crazy. Aunt Jacque told Ace to shoot them because they were rabid. Rabid Rabbits. That was tragic. I just thought they were excited to have a new home.  

Or take the time when I rode my bicycle to the mailbox to get the mail (yes, my bicycle had a basket) and the bull in the pasture started making really loud noises. I thought it was going to attack me, so I sat under the mailbox and cried for 45 minutes until Uncle Danny drove by and got me. Now I know it was only talking to the female cows saying, "Hey snazzy lady. Want me to by your baby's daddy?"  I would love to go back for one day and just live. Live without thinking about cancer and death and bills and ALL THIS STUFF that we think about. Wouldn't you just love to roll around and get dirty and only have to think about the chlorine bath that will come later to get all the sea ticks off? I sure would.


Me with my cousins Tela, Wesley, and Seth. Another glorious day of looking like hobos. Notice how much taller I was at three years old. I'm the second oldest behind Wesley.

--

The backsides. I won't put the bathtub picture up, but let's just say a bathtub with four filthy children=the blackest of water. So gross yet so awesome. 

 My Aunt Tricia's cat scan is tomorrow at 11:15, and I'm nervous. The weird thing is, I'm probably more nervous than she is. She's one of the strongest women I know, and she's such an example to me. If she can get through cancer three times, I surely can do anything. Did I pray enough? There's always room for improvement there. So many thoughts run through my head about how things used to be when I was younger. Trips to Branson, taking old timey photos, the Branson trip where Callie got pink eye, I got the stomach virus and got asthma (rough one), and the many foster babies my aunt and uncle have nurtured over the past several years. And who could forget Moe Bandy? We were groupies. Americana all the way, baby! But, the time we will remember most was when I peed my pants while playing hide and seek and then choked on cheese pizza and almost DIED.

All I ask is that tomorrow, you pray. A simple, honest prayer asking for a clear scan for my aunt that she may have peace of mind and a rested body. I will keep you posted.

Have you ever had to tap your leg for your words to come out?

I have. I stuttered so badly in the 2nd grade. That's when it was caught anyway--in Mrs. Alford's Christmas play. Yep. I was the Christmas fairy angel thing, and I had to tap my wand on my leg to make my words come out. Do you know how humilified I was? I mean, come on. I had to endure 2 or 3 (help me mom) years of speech therapy with a woman who would open up a package of Smarties at the end of the week and say, "Pick one."  She ate the rest of them right in front of me. What brought on these wonderful memories was my wonderful students making fun of a sweet girl in my class that was stuttering. You better believe I went off.

I told them when it all started. Let's see, there was "train track face" in kindergarten from the eight stitches between my eyes from my "running into a parked car" accident. In 3rd grade it was "four eyes bug eyes" for wearing my lovely purple floral spectacles. I hated that bus ride for so long with nasty Tina Pumila. yuck. 4th grade was "fat load" by two certain boys that I had the pleasure of hearing my mother chew out. A few years past, so the boys whipped out the big guns. 9th-12th grade the names were "Smoshly the blue whale", "the beast" (and they would growl as if the name wasn't painful enough), "dinosaur", and "wooly mammoth".  As they kindly reminded me then, I will remind you know. Those are the four largest mammals that ever roamed the earth and sea.

After I told my wonderful students these stories, they asked me "Were you fat or something?" I said, "I'll let you be the judge. I have the same pink polo (child size 16) that I wore in the 6th grade."  All of their mouths dropped because they realized I have been the same size since 6th grade and I'm not a gargantuan by any means. I love seeing the realization hit them...the truth that kids can be so brutal.

It took me years, years, years, to even have an ounce of confidence about my appearance. Luckily I had wonderful parents that always told me how beautiful I was inside and out and wonderful friends. But still, it's like I needed that confirmation from my peers. I have been there, and it isn't pretty. Did I hold a grudge? Absolutely. Those boys that called me those names made me feel skeptical towards all boys. After my freshman year of college, I came back to Nashville for the summer and one of those boys who called me names asked me out on a date. I LOVED the fact that I told him, "Absolutely not" as I smiled and walked away. I secretly relished in his being rejected by "the beast, the dinosaur, wooly mammoth, and smoshly the blue whale."

Do I still feel insecure at times? Yes, but I am believing more in myself. I have precious students whom I love dearly. I truly do. But I see in them things that they will learn the hard way unfortunately. As much as I reach out to them, you know they will go down paths more commonly walked. It's weird being a bystander. For all those boys that made fun of me, this is what I think of you:



Who could possibly make fun of this chunky, blond-headed angel?



By the way, new favorite band is the Avett Brothers. Download immediately.

The Avett Brothers

Four Years Ago on this day and at this very moment in time...

I was due in court for a traffic violation (had wreck), but luckily the judge was a patient at the eye clinic where I was working at the time. I used my charm and wittiness to con my way out of actually going to court and missing work. The judge allowed me to do a court conference call by phone. And do you know what I had to do for him? I had to give him a big ol' hug. Sweeth thing! Ya'll thought it was going to be worse didn't you...dirty minded people you are.