My "How To" for the day

I'll be 28 in a few weeks. I'm not one of those people that will cry and get really upset when people don't tell me happy birthday. I mean, yes. It's nice and makes me feel happy when my birthday is acknowledged. I admit it. But I'm not going to go stab your picture if you forget. I just love any reason to eat, have a party and just hang out. So this leads me to the "How To" of today. Today's "How To" is...how to throw yourself a surprise party!! Whoopee!

So I've thrown this idea around in my mind...ya know. Would people think it was weird if I, me, Ashley, sent out invitations to my own surprise birthday party. I mean, really, how awkward would that be for them. I'm awkward anyway, and I can handle myself. But others sometimes don't know how to react. "Hey, I just got an invitation to Ashley's birthday party. She invited us to her own birthday party. And it's a surprise. I'm so confused." As will most people be. We are celebrating the moment when I was pushed out of my mother. How much more awkward can you get?

The reasons why I will throw myself a surprise party:

1. It's a totally fantastic idea that no one in the history of birthdays has ever pulled off. I mean, I've never met every person that was ever born. Could you imagine? I would be asking SO many questions like...what was it like wearing a corset AND pantiloons? Did your toga ever accidently fall off? Did you ever help build a cathedral or almost die of the black plague? See? So many questions so it's probably best that I've never met everyone, though maybe there was someone who had my same idea.
2. People would marvel at my wonderful acting skills when I fake my surprise face or marvel at my ability to outwit myself.
3. I get to choose what's on the menu.
4. I get to invite whoever I want.
5. I can make it a theme party because dressing up is one of my most favorite things to do.

So, how do I go about doing this? This is where I get the opportunity to outwit myself. I have no idea how to surprise myself. Any thoughts?

Moving on to my 2012 trip to who knows where. I think my friend Anna is going to come with me for a full week. She's up for whatever. We are for sure going to Paris, and I would like to go to Portugal again. I really miss the pastries, and I want steak, and the hostel was so much fun, and I want a painting from these Russian peeps, and I want to go to Sintra the fairytale land. So yes, I am repeating a country but who cares. Paris will be fun with a girlfriend instead of solo. There are just some places where it would be kind of lonely going by yourself. Like Barcelona was last year. So I do hope Anna can come with me!! And let's hope I save enough money.

To end this post, I shall share my favorite thing: TRIVIA. I love facts that make me think or laugh. Did you know...that a cat will clean itself with paws and tongue after a dangerous experience or when it has fought with another cat? This is believed to be an attempt by the animal to soothe its nerves by doing something natural and instinctive. I feel that humans do that as well except we use a loofa and body wash. Agree?

Go cleanse yourself, listen to Irish music, and get ready for my surprise birthday party!!!

Say hello to spring

because it's rapidly approaching! What joy fills my heart! One of my most favorite things on Earth is being on Jamison Road in the springtime. I've talked about this before, and I'll say it again. It's magical, especially in the spring. Why? Let me tell you my people. The smells of fresh grass, the buttercups in the pasture, and cow manure (I know but it's such a familiar smell). I went home this past weekend to find everything was green, green, green! The boys worked cows this weekend, and Granny even remarked how green the cow's poop was. That's a good sign of spring time; they're diets are changing from eating green grass. God bless those cows! Isn't all of this exciting?!



Overall, it was a great weekend! Caleb and Brooke had their first wedding shower. It's still a bit strange that my little brother is getting married. Shouldn't he be playing t-ball or running around in the pasture with Matthew? Aw well. I will leave you with a little trivia for today. During his or her lifetime, the average human will grow 590 miles of hair.  I think Crystal Gayle has us beat on that one. Have a wonderful week everyone!

This is Crystal Gayle. Can you imagine curling that stuff? That makes me sick.

LOST update and another important annoucement

I've got three more episodes before I finish season 3. I don't know about your feelings towards Juliet and Jack, but right now, I hope a wave sweeps them off into the ocean in the dead of night so that a shark can have his dinner. Jack is being a turnip! Juliet with all of her calmness and crap. Well, you know what? Just go be calm ALL BY YOURSELF Juliet because you are a boobhead. I so wish I could say that to her face. But for now, I will just say it to myself. And to ya'll. AND how in the world did Locke's dad get there? This is just too weird. About Juliet, I do hope my feelings change about her because she is so pretty. I'm not being shallow or anything, but her bone structure is pretty darn awesome.

It's true. I could have found just a picture of Juliet, but Sawyer is so handsome. I mean, COME ON!

It's National Tooth Fairy Day!! I knew all of you would want to know about this day, so that you can celebrate it. It's February 28, and it makes me really excited because...it makes me thankful that the tooth fairy doesn't have to come get my teeth anymore. That would be pretty bad if I was still losing teeth at my age. Nasty, rotting, decaying teeth is not what the tooth fairy had in mind, happy people. Did your parents keep all of the teeth you lost? Mine did. My dad still has them in film canisters marked Ashley, Brittany, and Caleb. Maybe he wants to make a necklace. Hhhhhmmmm.



Me circa 1985. Even then I knew I loved my teeth.

 Go brush your teeth and floss. Let's fight periodontal disease! Woohoo! To end this wonderful post, I will leave you with a Bernice quote. My mother, or G Unit as she is lovingly known, is famous for being funny and not realizing it. Here was a conversation we had yesterday about whether or not I should join the junior league:

Me: Mom, do you think I should joing the junior league?
Mom: What is it?
Me: It's a women's philanthropy group. (Here, I branch out into the pros and cons). So Mom, what do you think?
Mom: It would sound really good in your obituary.

Have a great Monday, and remember, anything you do today could go in your obituary.

A little Valentine's Day trivia for ya

• About 3 percent of pet owners will give Valentine’s Day gifts to their pets. (This is why I don’t have pets. I thought this percentage would be higher.)
• Some people used to believe if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine’s Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a gold finch, she would marry a millionaire. (Seeing that I have no idea what kinds of birds those are, I guess I’ll just be surprised.)
• The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare’s lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine’s Day. (I can say with confidence that I have NOT sent one of those.)
• The first televised tour of the White House aired on February 14, 1962. First Lady Jackie Kennedy hosted. (Two words: elegantly appropriate.)
• Hallmark has over 1,330 different cards specifically for Valentine’s Day. (Again, I can say with a crazy amount of confidence that I have NOT sent one of those.)
• Valentine’s Day has a higher percentage of male buyers than any other seasonal occasion. Fifteen percent of all valentines are purchased by males, compared to most other holidays, in which 90 percent of cards are purchased by women. (so overrated…I’m not bitter. I promise.)
• The oldest known Valentine was sent in 1415 A.D. by the Duke of Orleans to his French wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It is still on display in a museum in England. (Bless his heart…don’t you wonder what it said. I just can’t imagine what romance you can fancy while being in chains. I would want clean clothes, pizza, a cheeseburger with grilled onions, and crystal lite. Love? Hhhhmmmmm)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! And if you don't have a Valentine and love being single and sassy, come join the fun at our "It's so awesome being single" party. I'm cooking deer steak and mashed potatoes with gravy. Don't want to miss it!

House Rules

My latest read was a book about a boy with Asbergers being tried for murder. Jodi Picoult (I found out it was pronounced pico as in pico de gallo) writes about very controversial topics. I love reading her books because I become more knowledgeable about certain issues like Asbergers or leukemia. She'a always a good read, so yes, I recommend this book. Fo sho! Now I am on to read The Splendor of Silence by Indu Sundaresan. Please don't ask me to pronounce that name.

By the way, did you know that dogs are mentioned 14 times in the Bible? I know. Me either.

Tuesday's Trivia

Did you know...

...that the average porcupine has 30,000 quills???

Tuesday's Trivia

Did you know...

that the cardinal served as the mascot of the University of Arkansas before the Razorback hog?

Tuesday's Trivia

I've decided that since I love trivia so much, I will post a new one every Tuesday. If you have any thing interesting, please share. Ask my mother if my love for trivia is for real, and she will say "fo sho." I'm just so intrigued. So here's your first one. Shall we have a ribbon cutting? hehehehahaha. ok for real.

Did you know...

If Monaco's ruling house of Grimaldi should ever be without an heir (male or female), the country will cease to be a sovereign state? No more Grace Kelly family members. Poof! Caroline, Albert, and Stephanie--ya'll better keep spitting out those kids!