Why can't I just stay?

To find something so beautiful that it makes you cry to witness God's creations is an amazing feeling. My trip to Montana on July 20 surpassed all of my expectations. I honestly can't find the words to describe this place. Normal adjectives just won't do. And to sum up the weekend in one paragraph is a travesty as I don't feel I'm doing it justice. However, I could write all night about my trip so...I'm just going to post what my friend Anneke wrote:
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Rewind. My wonderful friend Ashley Jamison from Arkansas visited us this weekend, and we rode horses into the sunset, got chased by wild stallions, slept in a cosy little cabin, then set up camp in the beautiful Crazy Mountains, fly fished for speckly Rainbow Trout, explored blue lakes and thundering rapids, crossed rivers and streams, and climbed over logs. Jeremiah Johnson would want to take us for a wife if he had seen it. Best weekend ever. We have scratches and mosquito bites and tan to prove it."
Can you believe I did all of that in 48 hours? I know. It's unreal. And I also know that you are going, "Wow! How did that Ashley Jamison girl get up that mountain with all the chocolate sauce she eats?" Yeah. It was quite amazing how I kept up for the most part. The crisp, clean air was so easy to breathe I just glided right up. I also had the pleasure of renting my first car. Although it was a Kia (not to hate on Kia owners but mine was a load of poo) I had a nice 7 hour drive from Montana and Wyoming. I sang at the top of my lungs and even had to stop and pee on the side of the road. Note to Montana: need more rest stops so that I won't have to pee on the side of the road and act like I'm sight seeing when people drive by. Thanks.

I honestly wanted to stay. I created different ploys in my head. I'll put sawdust in the car. I'll slash the tires. I'll just say I'm not going home. I want to move to Montana and just live the simple life. I feel like Little Rock people just get so caught up in "stuff". You have to drive a certain car and dress a certain way and talk a certain way and poof your hair and wear hairspray and lots of jewelry. Whatever happened to simplicity? I drive a Chevy, wear clothes from resale shops (that's not to say I won't splurge every now and then) and eat non-organic food. Why is everything such a big deal? That's why I want to live in Montana. And also for the fact that is just so stinking awesome.
The family vacay was great also! It's been so long since I've been with my parents and siblings and their spouses. Being the middle child and the most neglected, I got to stay in the loft. Yay! Sorry...did I say neglected? Oops I meant strongest. Not all people can climb straight up a ladder ten times a day. Only people that hike up mountains. We did Yellowstone, ate at great restaurants, saw actual Hutterites (an offspring of the Amish) up in the Dairy Queen, and I went up in a ski lift for the first time. Pics and maybe videos to come. Y'all know I'm bad about posting :)

-Ashe

Location:Billings, MT

Pura Vida Mae

For those who have been to Costa Rica before, you will know what the title means. For those who have not, it means "The Pure Life". Mae means "dude". You will hear that more in the coastal cities. They will answer with "Pura Vida" to just about anything.

"How are you?" "Pura Vida"
"How was your meal?" "Pura Vida"

That's the Tico slogan. I think it's a fabulous way to look at life. Ticos honestly are the most laid-back group of people I've ever been around. It's so refreshing not to have to worry about your busy life all the time.

My stay in Sámara was lovely. My host family was precious. I do hope to visit again one day. I had many adventures as well. I kayaked to Isla Chora (Chora Island) which is on the Pacific. I'll tell you what, kayaking on a river and on the ocean are totally different. And you also need a good partner. Bless her heart, mine had never done it before and at times I wanted to throw her overboard. We got there safely without tipping over like the other crew did. I also tried snorkeling which turned out badly. It was way to rough especially for a person that doesn't swim well. My flipper feet weren't the right size and slipped off. I had to swim back by myself and nearly drowned. Panicking in the ocean is not conducive to good swimming. I finally made it without hyperventilating.


Horseback rising was also a must. Even though I'd done these things four years ago when I was there, I wanted to do them again. I was the most experienced rider which isn't saying much since I've only ever ridden a few times. It was all going well until the end. I wanted to gallop on the beach and feel wild and free. So I did. I just had no idea that the other horses would follow suit if they saw my horse. Uh oh. A sweet girl from Canada didn't know how to control her horse. At this point, we were all going super fast. It was getting so dark. I see Stephanie fly past me on her horse, arms and legs flying (her feet had gotten loose). She was trying to stop the horse, but it kept going faster. The next thing I saw was Stephanie flying off the horse and hitting a tree. Her head hit the tree, and I honestly thought she'd broken her neck because her head snapped back. I quickly stopped and assessed damage. She was sitting up and talking...in utter shock and disbelief. We call the doctor. I speak for her since her English is not good and since she was so angry. She hit her chin thank goodness. At least it wasn't the brain area as I was worried she might have a concussion. No teeth missing or blood in the mouth. Just some scrapes on her chin, chest, back and arms. She was one lucky girl. What all of us didn't know was that my roommate Sarah from Minnesota also fell. Her horse bucked her off and she landed on her bottom. She will have some pretty bruises from that. So friends, the moral of the story is: don't gallop on the beach.








Rachelle and I arrived in Tamarindo yesterday. It's so touristy which is totally different from Sámara. Our hotel is fantastic! I highly recommend to anyone traveling here on a budget. For $85/night, we get a king size bed, twin bed, dining area with kitchenette, hot water, air conditioning, wi fi, and HBO. The pool is beautiful with a waterfall thing. Breakfast is the best. A huge plate of fresh fruit (7 different fruits) then your breakfast of choice: traditional with eggs, gallo pinto (rice and black beans mixed together), cheese, bacon and a tortilla OR continental with eggs, toast and bacon. Coffee and fresh juice is also there.





Some other students from the school and I took a weekend trip to the Monteverde cloud forest for zip lining and then to Arenal to visit the Baldí Hot Springs resort and a natural wild life resort. It's so cool up there (low 60s at night) and was a nice break from the heat.

I have met so many people that will be lifelong friends. I have eaten well, gotten mosquito bites, and practiced my Spanish. A Tico actually thought I was Latina because of my accent. He said I sounded like a natural. Of course that thrilled me!

Off to explore Tamarindo. Have a blessed July 4th! Yay for America!
-Ashe

Location:Nature Trail,Tamarindo,Costa Rica

Destination: Costa Rica

I figured I'd just write what I put in my journal. It's long so get over it or don't read it. Or go sit by yourself and stare at people. This is from yesterday.

Sunday June 24--Day 1
I'm now sitting on the floor in the Liberia airport waiting
on my taxi driver to get ready to leave. Finding my taxi was a bit difficult. After a great and safe four hour flight down, I come out and look for my name on a piece of paper. I don't see my name. I look again at their papers, but I still don't see my name. I see a blond American girl, and she asked if I was having trouble finding my ride. She said she was going to Sámara and would give me a ride. She said she was waiting on her friend flying in from NYC.

I'm a risk taker, but I sho nuff am not getting in an unverified taxi.i was going to ride with María the American. I found out she's from Ohio, and works for a health and wellness center in Sámara. I've already made a friend! As soon as I'd decided to ride with María from Ohio, a man with an Intercultura sign came up to me. But...he doesn't have my name card. Boobface!! He has cards for Kyle and Stefanie. He said he had my name card in the taxi. I asked Maria to walk out to the taxi with me. Ya know, for safety. It turns out he did have my name card. No wonder he was confused. It said I was to fly into San Jose June 29 at 11:45. I asked if Paola still worked there and why there were mistakes. He said that Paola's assistant Stefanía is responsible. That boob.

So here I am waiting in the Liberia airport for Kyle and Stephanie to show up. I've been here since 1:00...it's now 2:30.

It's 3:15 and finally Stephanie is here. Stephanie is 31 and from Montreal. We got to visit in the taxi. My second friend! Kyle didn't show up or maybe our taxi driver got tired of waiting. Elio, the taxi driver, was so nice. We arrived in Sámara around 5:00. Stephanie lives right around the corner from the school. I, on the other hand, live a 25 minute walk from school. It's way farther than my previous home stay here.

My Tica mom's name is Kattia Palma. She has two boys, Rory and Joey. She seems nice but not as happy and motherly as Marlene.

I venture off to find my favorite places. I meet two snotty girls from Florida. They just graduated college. I just wanted to be like, "Calm down. I'm not going to steal your man (even though I'm way cuter)." It felt so familiar to be back at school and on that beach. I saw new friend Stef and her roommate Shawna who is also from Canada. I had to stop and buy mosquito spray; I forgot to bring my 100% deet. Boob. The Mosquitos were having my feet and legs for dinner. Fleas last week, now mosquitos. And that stinking spray was $12!!

I'm home for dinner by 6:30. I was famished. I hadn't eaten a thing since 9:15!! Petunia was having withdrawals. Kattia cooked two small chicken legs in a tomato sauce, white rice and flavored noodles with cilantro (eewwwww) in it. I licked my plate clean even though I hate cilantro. I ate with roommate Sarah from Minnesota. She's very sweet but loud--I think that's a northern thing. It's nice to have a friend in the house. Sarah said Kattia's cooking is lacking. I'm sad. That's the main reason I flew all this way. For realz. I want fresh fruit and fresh, white cheese, and gallo pinto with Lizano green sauce. I better get it. Speaking of food, I might've told a lie to Kattia. I told her that was allergic to all seafood. Ok. I lied, but I can't risk eating seafood. (I'm
Vomiting now...now it's just dry heaves.)

It's around 8:45. I popped a Unisom to help me sleep. It's hot, humid and loud outside. I've got three fans going and my sound machine. Let's hope I don't get woken up by chickens and howler monkeys.







-Ashe

Location:Sámara, Costa Rica

10 Reasons I LOVE Going Home



Jamison Road Sunday in the pouring rain.

1. I am always welcomed with dessert by my beautiful Momma. This time it was blueberry cobbler, and I couldn't stop eating it.
2. I get to hang my head out of the window like a dog as soon as I hit Jamison Road and smell smell SMELL. You would be amazed what smells you miss like cow poop, hay, and just trees and nature itself. Even the rain smells better on Jamison Road. And boy did it rain. Gravel roads are not something I necessarily miss however.
3. I feel a peace that I honestly don't feel anywhere else. I feel closer to God. I think it's because I'm surrounded by love and everything beautiful.
4. I get spoiled by my Daddy because he will grill me whatever my heart desires. And those who know me well know my heart desires food all the time. Daddy grilled pork chops, steaks, chicken, and shrimp (that was for him since I don't like anything that swims), but the thought was there.
5. I get to spend time with my Momma watching home videos and looking at old pictures. We laugh so much, and we stay up late like we are still young :). We felt it in church the next day, didn't we Momma? I also get to spend time with her in the kitchen which is my favorite place. Momma just loves cleaning up after me, and I love making messes for her.
6. I get to spend quality time with Daddy that I wouldn't otherwise get to do. It's not like the man is a phone talker or anything. I helped him rake leaves for a minute (literally) then we drove to get some horse poop for his garden. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.
7. I get to bother my Granny. She loves me this I know. But I always stop there first to see if she has anything sweet to munch on as I travel the 1/4 mile down the road to my house. And I just love to go squeeze her and talk about Poppa.
8. I get to see all the rest of my family--all of my sweet babies that I miss so much. I don't get to see their "firsts" so I love to spoil them when I'm home. Jamison showed me his new John Deere boots, and Addie sat beside me in church. At least they haven't forgotten me. And of course I can't forget all the oldies either--aunts, uncles and cousins. And we can't forget my new cousins Bo and Danny. Ooh boy, I could hardly sleep Friday night because I knew I was going to get to spend the morning with these precious boys. It was so nice just to sit and relax with little Danny on my chest and a perfect view of sweet Bo sleeping peacefully. I mean really, can life get any better than new life? I also must be selfish and say that I've missed Tela being up here in Little Rock. I got spoiled being with her each day, so it was good to get to talk to her.
9. I get to eat at church potlucks. Somehow I time my arrival perfectly to coincide with these. It's so great to see the people that have influenced me as I grew up. It's good to just sit down and visit. My teacher who taught me in my 4 year old Sunday school class walked me to my car in the rain. I probably haven't really, truly spoken to her in years.



Danny and Me



Bo



The cake that I made for the potluck that Mom and I sampled too much of. Y'all. It's good. I mean. Good. The recipes at the end.

10. As hard as leaving gets the older I get, I love going home knowing I always have a place to come back to. I never want to leave. And I do still cry each time I leave. It's that awesome. If you've never been home to Nashville with me, it's not too late. Jamison Road loves visitors!

Daddy and me

Chocolate Stuffed Sticky Bundt

Rhodes Chocolate Stuffed Sticky Bundt has a sweet little surprise hidden inside each delicious bite!
Servings:12
Skills:Beginning
Bake Time: 35 min
Prep Time: 20 min (not including thaw time)

Ingredients

24 Rhodes™ Dinner Rolls, thawed but still cold
1 1/2 cups milk chocolate chips
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon cocoa
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped pecans or toffee bits
1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
1/2 cup packed brown sugar

Instructions

Cut rolls in half and flatten each half. Wrap each half around 1 teaspoon chocolate chips and completely enclose. In a bowl, mix granulated sugar, cocoa and cinnamon. Dip each roll half in sugar mixture until well coated. Place in a large sprayed bundt pan. Sprinkle any remaining sugar mixture along with pecans or toffee bits over rolls. Combine butter and brown sugar in a small bowl and microwave 30 seconds. Stir well and pour over rolls. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise until almost to the top of the pan. Remove wrap and bake at 350°F 35 minutes. Cover with foil last 10 minutes of baking. Invert immediately onto serving platter.

MAKE THIS!! It will change your life. I mean HELLO! Anything with a stick of butter is amazing :).

Peace and blessings and try not to get arrested!

Ashe

Heartbreak Hotel

Sometimes I forget just how perfect a childhood I had. Today was a day when I was flooded with those grateful memories of my wonderful, Christian parents. I'd noticed one of my most vocal students had missed the past four class periods which is unlike her. She loves Spanish; she loves me or so she tells me daily. I don't even have to say it first. She is always coming in with the daily gossip and a huge smile. Not today.

She shows up for class today only to be checked out 15 minutes into class. I said, "Ok chica. What's going on?" She said she didn't want to talk about it. I said, "Well you're going to because I need to know why you've not been in my class.". We go out in the hallway. She proceeds to tell me that her mother is being charged with 3rd degree battery and assault...for beating her. DHS has removed her from her home, and she is now living with a foster family. She missed school because of the severe bruises on her body, mainly on her back making it very uncomfortable for her to sit.

I was stunned. I didn't say anything for what seemed like an eternity. I then asked, "Do you want to be with your mother?" She quickly responded with a no. I hug her, but I can't let go. I'm crying at this point which I know teachers aren't supposed to do, but I didn't care. What was ironic about the situation was SHE was consoling ME. I want to just hold her and love her and let her know that she is so incredible and so strong to be able to tell someone.

I continue crying as she reassures me that she is ok. She will be fine. I tell her I love her like I tell all of my students. And I truly do. They are MY kids. And it just makes me so sad that one of my kids is hurting. Y'all. I don't know. I worry so much about my kiddos. Pray that she can continue to be strong and that she can stay in school. Fostering at this age can be disastrous. Pray for her foster family, and pray for her mother. Pray for me because right I'm having images of her mother getting hit by a bus. Don't worry. She doesn't die, but it's still not a good thought to have.


-Ashe

She be so ratchet

Ratchet=nasty. My students think that I am not cultured enough in "today's" language, so they have decided to teach me a new word every day. And who said you stop learning? NEVER. Have you ever had one of those nights when you just think the most random things and none of those things connect? It's like, "Hey thoughts! Let's play connect the invisible dots." So I was thiinking just now about dots and that made me think about being chased by a crocodile. Very scary thought. So I googled "What to do when being chased by a crocodile" and it gave me the following information:

• Since the crocodile is surprising fast on land, run in a zigzag motion for the crocodile has little or no ability to make sudden changes of direction.

I got so tickled. First, I of all people would find myself in that predicament. Second, can you picture running in a zigzag motion? Me the girl who falls so often? Third, who thinks while being chased, "Oh wait. A crocodile has little or no ability to change direction so I'm going to run in a zigzag motion." No thank you. I shall just run.

Luckily I have yet to be chased by a crocodile. Life is so good and very busy. My students are awesome! They are so sweet even though I want to sucker punch them sometimes. They did throw me my first surprise birthday party EVER. I was so shocked and grateful. They do have such kind hearts.

Speaking of kind hearts, wasn't it totally awesome that LL Cool J prayed on the Grammy's last night? What a statement that made! That did give me glimmer of hope for our world. I kind of want to send him some fanmail. I would always send JTT fanmail. I never got a response--that punk. Go sing to yourself you lion lover!

I'm so tired yet I hear the ocean. I would love to be on a ship right now with Sawyer or Jack from LOST. Oh be still my beating heart! You are beating so quickly that Dr. Jack might have to do surgery, you bad heart you. I really want to go to the beach. This summer I shall go to a beach. Where? I have no earthly, but I can tell you this. I will NOT get a heat rash because I will not. That's all I know to tell you. If you've ever had a heat rash, you think you're skin is dying.

Goodnight fair friends. Dream sweet dreams. I'm going to dream about oceans and writing in Spanish with one hand and English with the other...simultaneously. Mark Twain said to "explore, dream and discover". Marky Mark...you be so smart. You so not ratchet.

My "How To" for the day

I'll be 28 in a few weeks. I'm not one of those people that will cry and get really upset when people don't tell me happy birthday. I mean, yes. It's nice and makes me feel happy when my birthday is acknowledged. I admit it. But I'm not going to go stab your picture if you forget. I just love any reason to eat, have a party and just hang out. So this leads me to the "How To" of today. Today's "How To" is...how to throw yourself a surprise party!! Whoopee!

So I've thrown this idea around in my mind...ya know. Would people think it was weird if I, me, Ashley, sent out invitations to my own surprise birthday party. I mean, really, how awkward would that be for them. I'm awkward anyway, and I can handle myself. But others sometimes don't know how to react. "Hey, I just got an invitation to Ashley's birthday party. She invited us to her own birthday party. And it's a surprise. I'm so confused." As will most people be. We are celebrating the moment when I was pushed out of my mother. How much more awkward can you get?

The reasons why I will throw myself a surprise party:

1. It's a totally fantastic idea that no one in the history of birthdays has ever pulled off. I mean, I've never met every person that was ever born. Could you imagine? I would be asking SO many questions like...what was it like wearing a corset AND pantiloons? Did your toga ever accidently fall off? Did you ever help build a cathedral or almost die of the black plague? See? So many questions so it's probably best that I've never met everyone, though maybe there was someone who had my same idea.
2. People would marvel at my wonderful acting skills when I fake my surprise face or marvel at my ability to outwit myself.
3. I get to choose what's on the menu.
4. I get to invite whoever I want.
5. I can make it a theme party because dressing up is one of my most favorite things to do.

So, how do I go about doing this? This is where I get the opportunity to outwit myself. I have no idea how to surprise myself. Any thoughts?

Moving on to my 2012 trip to who knows where. I think my friend Anna is going to come with me for a full week. She's up for whatever. We are for sure going to Paris, and I would like to go to Portugal again. I really miss the pastries, and I want steak, and the hostel was so much fun, and I want a painting from these Russian peeps, and I want to go to Sintra the fairytale land. So yes, I am repeating a country but who cares. Paris will be fun with a girlfriend instead of solo. There are just some places where it would be kind of lonely going by yourself. Like Barcelona was last year. So I do hope Anna can come with me!! And let's hope I save enough money.

To end this post, I shall share my favorite thing: TRIVIA. I love facts that make me think or laugh. Did you know...that a cat will clean itself with paws and tongue after a dangerous experience or when it has fought with another cat? This is believed to be an attempt by the animal to soothe its nerves by doing something natural and instinctive. I feel that humans do that as well except we use a loofa and body wash. Agree?

Go cleanse yourself, listen to Irish music, and get ready for my surprise birthday party!!!

Sad day in Spanish 3rd Even

One of my favorite students left me. Yep up and left me to move to where? LOUISIANA. I'm trying not to be a hater but an appreciater, but it's not working at the moment. Carlos was the type of student who was always suspended, but somehow we connected. He had a B in my class which was probably the only B he's ever had. He truly was my favorite and the other students knew it. But it was different with him. I caught him cheating twice. He flat out was staring at another student's test. I'm like, "Dude! Hello...I see you. Fail with dignity." Then Carlos said, "Well I would if I knew what it was!"

That's when we bonded. He was spunky and could put up with my sarcastic comments because he knew I loved him. I love all of my students, but I have a yearning for Carlos to succeed more so than some of my others. I have faith that many of my kids will get into colleges and have successful jobs, but some of them like Carlos need the assurance from parents and teachers. I'm not sure he was getting that at home or at school.

I'm typing this, boo hooing (and listening to Irish music), and I think it's because I'm scared for him. I want him to be in my environment because I know that I would smother him with encouragement. I hope to goodness he gets it because he wants to do well. Why do the good ones always get plucked from me?? Tell me why baby why baby why baby why? I mean ya'll. Who's going to tell me that I sing "brutaful"? Bless that child. Pray for him that he will grow wherever in Louisiana they move. I've never been more attached to a class in such emotional ways. They are so special to me. Maybe this Irish music is making me extra weepy. You know...I love Irish music. I L.O.V.E. "Danny Boy". Classic Irish song for me...an Irish American :)

Irish music and nuns are my interest right now

So I've always thought I was born into the wrong family. Don't get me wrong. I love my family...but I just wished they played the tin whistle and picked wildflowers in the meadow. Ya know? So I've always had an Irish fetish--music, movies, bands. Even my penpal, Donna Jean Dempsey, was from Dublin. We wrote for 8 years until college became too important for overseas friends. So as I sit here listening to Irish music and dreaming of green rolling hills and sheep and the island of Roan Inish, I have decided Ireland will be my next overseas venture. I shall see the family that really isn't mine, and I will talk to them using the few Irish Gaelic words I know.

I'm supposed to making a test out right now, but that's not going so well. I have big dreams of reading books over Christmas. I can't wait! My library is saying, "Read me you fool! You've been away tooooo long." Fear not, fair lass...I'm coming. So I was thinking the other day, "Wouldn't I be 10 times cooler if I could speak French?" My mind said, "Yes, your cool factor would boost and more people would stare at you strangely whilst you make fake telephone calls in French." So I decided, then and there, to learn French...wait for it...through song. YES! That's right. I got XM radio free over Thanksgiving weekend and the song, "Dominique" came on by the singing nun. It was a smashing hit in 1963. I downloaded it on ITunes and my French lessons started promptly. I love nuns. She's awesome. I felt like we would've been friends. Ya know on the swim team playing Marco Polo. She'd let me find her and win. That kind of nice, help you self-esteem friend.

I love me some Irish music. I've been planning out my wedding music for my wedding that will never happen. It's going to quite fabulous. I wish you were going to get to hear it.

A little family update: Tela is still pregnant! She'll be 33 weeks on Wednesday. She is still at Baptist in Little Rock. She's as cute as can be. No bigger than an ant hill, but we'll take what we can get. Those boys are feisty. I can't wait to meet them! As always, thank you so much for your continued prayers for Tela, Russell, and the twins as well as for the Jamison family. Thanksgiving wasn't the same without Poppa. I'm so thankful for my huge family to lean on. People say they don't think they could live that close to family. Well let me tell you something--you haven't been around mine. I couldn't live without them. It's times like these when those extra shoulders are needed. 

Love love love ya'll! Peace and blessings!

Flashback to freshman year

Freshman year of college that is. With the whole booger picking/eating incident in my class yesterday, my memories began to flow--the memories about my freshman year suitemate. I have two words for you: pot luck. That should tell you everything you need to know about her. We didn't choose her AT ALL. Now let me set the record straight and say that Lindsey and I loved April, our other suitemate. She happened to go pot luck too. And well, let's just say it wasn't good for any of the parties involved.

This poor girl. Now don't start thinking that we bullied her. We didn't. We might have laughed at her on occasion, but please don't hold that against us. She was a special girl; she was addicted to the television. I mean that literally. She would go into a trance and wouldn't even blink her eyes. Lindsey and I would find her in our room when we'd walk in from class, crouched down watching the tv. We called our parents and complained, but no. They didn't believe us. She loved cafeteria take out. She loved it so much she would leave her take-out boxes in the room for several days causing a mighty stench and flies to circle around. I remember April bought fans and clipped dryer sheets to them to help combat the smell.

We dealt with all of this for months until finally we put a stop to it. Our parents still didn't believe we were living with a smelly tv addict. So we took matters into our own hands...or maybe I should say into our own camcorder. With this tv addiction came the trances. She would't know if there was a tornado outside because she's be so enthralled in the tv. So we decided to record her for our parents. We sat the camcorder directly on top of the tv and positioned it to where she always stood. She came in after a three hour conversation with her grandmother (in which she spoke in the third person about herself), and the trance began. She stayed for about 10 or so minutes then left. Mind you, this was around 2 in the morning. Lindsey and I watch the video and low and behold we see our suitemate pick her nose and eat her boogers not once but TWICE! She then proceeded to clean out her fingernails...with her teeth.

Grotesque. I know. I lived with that. But don't worry fair friends. When our parents saw the video, they realized we were living in a poor hygienic state. We found a new roommate for this poor girl, and we then became a suite of three. Then we all lived happily ever after.

And did I mention that on the second day of school when I was still terribly homesick she used my brand new washcloth that I'd received for graduation to wipe her fecal matter?

I'm back if only for a brief spell

Poppa, Granny, and me 2009

Stress is so underrated. My blood pressure is surprisingly low (102/60) for the month that I and my family have experienced. I know all families experience death and babies wanting to come out too soon, but it feels like we are going through this all by ourselves. October 13th we lost Poppa. I won't write a lot about that because it won't do him justice. I think he took one of my arteries with him because my heart is constantly hurting. It's times like these that make me want to move back to Jamison Road. I just want to be close to family...all of my family. And then my cousin Tela wanted to spice things up even more. Her twin boys are wanting to come out to play, but they are only 28 weeks. I'm going to be selfish and say that I am secretly glad she's here. I've missed her terribly, and we've gotten to spend lots of quality time together. For that I'm thankful. Now if we can just continue to keep those little toots in there!

Sometimes I wish I was on the TV show "Glee" so I could express myself in song without looking like a looney. I mean, I do express myself in song but with a price. My go-to girl has been Belgium singer/songwriter Agnes Obel. She's PHENOMENAL. I want her voice and her Princess Leia hairdo.

Agnes Obel and Harry Potter's owl, Hedwig (with a dye job).

I've read a couple of books. One was about a dog. I wanted to vomit because dogs are not on the top of my "I really love" list, but I pulled through. The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein is about life through a dog's life. It was pretty good--a very easy read.

Then there was Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt. Ooh child, I LOVED this one! It's non-fiction but reads like a fiction. Berendt really draws you into each character and develops each perfectly. Now I need to watch the movie. I've become so enthralled in Jim Williams and the murder that I've done my own personal research project. I know...I'm quite the intellectual. It also makes me want to go to a cemetery. I used to do that in college. One of my favorites was off Moore Street in Searcy. It was so old and had so much history. I loved reading the epitaphs. It's just weird to think that I'm reading about an actual person that may have done exactly what I was doing at that moment--discovering a person.



School is fantastic. My kids are gifts to me. I cannot thank the Lord enough for giving them to me. No more nausea all day every day.

Seven years ago today

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

"This is my first journal entry in my first diary ever! Yay! Audra and I ate at Mi Pueblito before Hart church. We asked the nice Backyard Burger man, Phil, to church. He didn't come but gave us his number so we cold call him next week. But we won't. We heard he exposed himself to some girls (supposedly) so I'll just not ask him.

After church, Audra and I went for a walk. Right in front of Harding Academy, we saw a naked man. Penis and all. He was standing by a tree. He was just standing there silent, not even moving. We couldn't see his face because he was standing where his face was in the shadows. After we realized what was happening, ya know, that a naked man and his parts were standing there, we ran to the nearest apartments and yelled for help. I've never out run Audra in all my life, but I sure did tonight. We turned around and saw the naked man streaking across the street, get in an unlicensed silver car and peeled out. We reported it to Harding security, Dean Huckeba and the Searcy Police (they laughed in our faces). Now isn't that the weirdest story ever?!"

Anyone remember that story?

Things on my mind at the EXACT moment in time

1.       I’ve eaten so badly this week. And I wonder why I can’t fit into my pants. I have no idea how chocolate sauce just magically appears in the bowl in my hand. No idea. The banana under the chocolate sauce counteracts the butter, sugar, and (get ready for it) skim milk heavy whipping cream. Whoa Sally. Whoa donut ring on my belly. How in the world did you get there?

2.       How I wish it would be light outside at 5:45 in the morning so I could go running. I did it for two weeks, but I have now stopped for two reasons. The first is my paranoia that someone will attack me because it’s dark and no one will know because I’m all by my lonesome. I wonder where that fear came from… The second is I am clumsy and sometimes trip. A girl in my book club fell running and fractured her elbow. I can just imagine myself walking back home, crying, with a bone hanging out of my arm.

   

3.       The dream I had last night that my gap in my front teeth had returned. What a nightmare.

4.       If I practiced Jainism, it would be kind of acceptable to walk around completely naked. Hhhhmmmm……………

5.   It's strange that I suddenly appeared on a new television series last night. I suddenly got popular today and received texts from everyone about how the girl on the new show "New Girl" is just like you. In fact, she is you.  No lie. So I watched it. And...I laughed. And...it's true. It felt like an out-of-body experience, except that I was in my body watching another body. Ya know?

Those are my thoughts. Sometimes folks, there are times when I think more than one thing. That's called mulitasking.

Summer reads

So here's what I read over the summer:

Little Bee by Chris Cleave is AMAZING! This really opened my eyes to the problems in Africa. Yes, I know there are problems, but this book really sheds light on those situations there. It is very graphic in sections so prepare yourself for that. But hey...it's real and that's why you should read it. Read more about this book here.

I just found out there was a movie made from this book. Good to know. I read this while in Europe, and it took me a while...because I was in Europe. Who wants to read? It is an extremely quick read though and quite interesting. I learned so much about the Chinese culture. Read here for more info.

To be honest, I was not looking forward to reading this book for book club. I get the audio book from the library and was blown away. I thought this was a great piece of literature. And ya'll, I'm going to confess my ignorance--I thought Frank Lloyd Wright was one of the Wright brothers that invented airplanes. WRONG. He was an architect. Who knew...Anyway, this book tells of the love affair between Frank and Mamah. It was such a scandal in the early 1900s. If I'm being Frank with you (no pun intended), it would even be a huge scandal now. I loved picturing myself back then and reading about this in the papers. And the end was totally unexpected. Please don't read it first whatever you do. Read more about this book here.

If I had to choose a favorite, it was be this book. It's like reading the script of Gossip Girl--so deliciously good! It is about a prep school, but I recommend it for any age. It's a quick read because you can't put it down. Read more here. 



Ok, so I didn't read as many books as I wanted. I have a great excuse though: globtrotting :).

Confliction and a revelation

So, the first two days of school have come and gone, and the tears have been flowing. But they are not for reasons you think. I have such a fantastic group of kids and for that I count my blessings. This has been weighing heavy on me since school started yesterday. Sometimes students come in with the big head, and I can already tell what kind of students they are going to be. A girl came in with an attitude; played the right way we might get along. It was still too early to tell. We are going through the syllabus, I see some students getting sleepy so I begin to call on random students to read from the syllabus. I call on this one girl, the one with the 'tude, and she looked at me quizzically. I thought she wasn't paying attention so I directed her to the appropriate bullet on the syllabus. She reads the sentence, and we move on. A few minutes later, she raises her hand and asks, "Can I talk to you outside?" I said, "Sure thing. Is it something that needs to be discussed at this moment?" She said, "No, it can wait." She is very participatory in class and outspoken. Maybe I was wrong about her; maybe we will get along.

The bell rings. She is walking out so I yell to her to come back. I asked her what she needed to speak to me about, and she said (looking down to the floor), "Will you not call on me to read in class?" I asked why and she said, "The other kids make fun of me because I can't say some of the words." So I asked if she stuttered and then went on to explain that I used to stutter as well. She said, "No, I have trouble reading." I said that I would talk to the literacy coach. My first impression was shock. For a tenth grade girl to have willingly admitted that was beyond my comprehension because most girls at that age are embarrassed just to be wearing a shirt from Wal-Mart. My second thought was that she was lying to me to get out of reading in class. I can't help that thought. After teaching the juniors and seniors last year, they lied to me left and right about everything. It's sad I can't trust my students.

I thought about that all last night, and I decided to talk to the literacy coach today. We checked her literacy and benchmark scores. She was reading on a 4th grade reading level and tested below basic in literacy on the benchmark. My heart dropped. The literacy coach goes on to tell me that she is one of the hardest workers and strives to do well. She has, in fact, improved throughout the years. She is still on a 4th grade reading level however. It's no wonder she gave me a funny look when I asked her to read. That was at 10:30 this morning. I thought about her ALL DAY LONG. Yes, there are many students that can't read well and that read on extremely low levels, but something about this girl's brutal honesty hit hard. I got home and just sobbed. This is a situation where I feel so helpless. I want to help this sweet girl, but I have no idea how. How am I to teach her Spanish when it's difficult for her to learn her native language? And think of the guts she has to come and talk to me about that. I cried for her today. I have cried to my neighbor about it, and I have talked to God about it. Prayer sends clarity, but sometimes it's not right away.

I think about her and wonder if her other classes are a safe haven for her. Students can be so cruel. I want to hug her and protect her and tell her, "Yes, you can do it!" And I will because that's all I know to do. I will create that safe place for her. I will worry about her and her success. It just hurts me because she works so hard. She asks for help and wants to learn. That's where I'm having the biggest issue. I'm so blessed, and I am thankful yet it has ruined my perception. I didn't have trouble in school. I had parents who read to me. I have such confliction inside of me, and I am torn up. Pray that I have clarity on how to help this willing girl, and pray that she and other students in her same predicament succeed. Even if success is just reading that one challenging sentence, pray that they have that success.

It's these moments in my career that I realize that this is what I am supposed to do forever. And I had the revelation today that I am meant to be in public school. Students like her keep me humble and allow me to remember everything I have. I can read. What a gift in itself. They have NO idea they help me in life. No idea. Remember to think about these precious souls, even the ones who drive us crazy, as you are reading your magazine or book tomorrow. Be thankful.

Happy thoughts

Today marks the one year anniversary of PawPaw's death. I think about PawPaw all the time, and today will be another day devoted to thoughts of him--how influencing he was as a Christian and how he changed so many lives through ways of adoption. I will remember his contagious laugh and the twinkle in his eye. I will remember times like this: I went to visit Grandmother and PawPaw in June before he died. I made them two loaves of strawberry bread so they would have something to eat on for a while. He was eating the strawberry bread and said, "I like zucchini bread better." I looked at him with a "Well don't be honest or anything" look and we both just broke out in laughter. I saw it--that twinkle. And I heard that laugh. Doesn't that make you happy? I think about that time often, and I think about how good I had it.

We all have people we love and miss. Think of a happy memory today.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Chocolate Gravy recipe

For those who have asked, here you go. Enjoy and let me know how it turns out for you!

In a skillet or large saucepan, mix:

1/2 cup butter, melted                                                            
4 tbsp flour
4 tbsp cocoa

Add:
1 cup sugar
2 cups milk
1 tsp vanilla

Cook on medium heat until thick, stirring often. I serve mine with homemade biscuits, but I'm sure it would be good as a croissant filling or on a scone. It makes a lot but is excellent reheated!

Southern women are different. That's a fact.

My friend, Caroline, introduced me to a magazine called Gardens and Gun. She said there was an article in there that reminded her a lot of me, and she insisted I read it. So I did, and I will say there were parts of it that definitely screamed "Ashley!". You know, until you go out of the south, you don't realize how blessed southern women are. We have it all--beauty (I'm not trying to sound vain), hospitality, ability to cook, and respect for ourselves and others. The list could go on and on. Here is an excerpt from the article that really hit home:

               "To be made a Southern woman is to be made aware of your distinctiveness. The expectations. Which is why even the girls in the trailer parks paint their nails. And why you will never see Reese Witherspoon wearing sweatpants. Being Southern means handwritten thank-you notes, using a rhino horn's worth of salt in every recipe, and never leaving the house with wet hair. Not even in the case of fire. Because wet hair is low-rent. It shows you don't care, and not caring is not something Southern women do, at least when it comes to our hair. This is less about vanity than self-respect, a crucial distinction often lost on non-southerners. Side note: Southern women do not capitalize on their looks to snag men, though that often results. The reason we Southern women take care of ourselves is because, simply, Southern women are caretakers.
                An example: I have lived in the North for 15 years. In all that time, only once did another woman prepare me a home-cooked meal (and she was from Florida). I recently visited Tennessee for one week and was fed by no fewer than three women. Southern women are willing to give and listen. Southern women are also a proud lot. In any setting, at home or abroad, Southern women declare themselves [Well, you know what they say about us Arkansas girls...].
               Southern women know how to bake a funeral casserole and why you should. Southern women know how to make other women feel pretty. Southern women like men and allow them to stay men. Southern women know that manners count and that your mother deserves a phone call every Sunday. Southern women can say more with a cut of their eyes than a whole debate club's worth of speeches. Which brings us to what can only be called: the Baby Thing. Southern women love babies. We love them so much we grab their chubby thighs and pretend to eat them alive. This is not the case in the North or the West or the middle bit. I grew up, like all Southern girls, babysitting as soon as I was old enough to tie my own shoes. I was raised to understand that taking care of children was as natural and inevitable as sneezing. I was also taught that your children are not supposed to be your best friends. Southern women do not spend a lick of time worrying about whether or not their kids are mad at them, which might explain why there are rarely any Southern kids acting a fool and running wild around the Cracker Barrel.
                I want my children to know how to make biscuits. And to not feel bad about eating a whole heaping plate of them. "

You're asking, "Wow Ashtray! Did you type out the entire article?" No, I didn't. But I encourage you to go get this magazine. It makes me proud to say I am a pure-bred Southern woman.

So it looks like I'm headed to NYC on Wednesday!! My friend Jillian is apartment sitting in Manhattan and her mother very graciously paid for my ticket with her airline miles. Can you believe how blessed I am? I don't want to stop traveling, but...I have a job. I'm flying to Dallas tomorrow night, staying with Jillian's mom, and flying out to NYC Wednesday morning. I CAN'T wait!!!! I've been packed for two days...literally.

Another bit of good news is that I'll be at east campus full-time this year AND I get my own classroom! I can't wait to finally feel settled somewhere. I'll have a busy week of preparation when I return from NYC. I hope you all have been as blessed as I have been this summer. Please continue to pray for Aunt Tricia. Even rockstars like her need prayers :).

Peace and Blessings!

30 by 30

Let's see how I've done the past 6 months!!

1. snow ski (I'm terrifed of dying)
2. Go to Hawaii
3. ride in a helicopter
4. go to a nude beach
5. parasail in the ocean
6. run a 5K
7. serve in a food kitchen
8. do a Bible study in a prison
9. Buy a tahoe
10. pay off student loans
11. backpack through Europe
12. lose three inches off entire body
13. play a song on the guitar (at least one but no wishful thinking)
14. fly fish
15. shoot and clean a deer
16. dive off a diving board without holding my nose
17. watch the mini series Pillars of the Earth and The Tudors
18. Date outside of type (someone with a tattoo or piercing)
19. Get a Macbook
20. Drive a really expensive car (one that turns heads) Note I didn't say own. I will probably have to rent it.
21. Study at a language school in Spain
22. body wrap
23. see Dave Barnes, Matt Nathanson, Ingrid Michaelson, Joshua Radin, Amos Lee, and/or Ben Harper live in concert
24. stay in a hostel
25. ride in a hotair balloon
26. play tennis (on the most basic level--that means having contact between racquet and ball which might be impossible for me)
27. go to California
28. go to Jackson Hole, WY
29. go to a dude ranch
30. rock climb

I've knocked a few off the list!

Aunt Tricia update

My aunt got the results back from her PET scan today. The lymph nodes did show up as positive on the PET. However, they are too small to biopsy, and the doctor won't do anything without a biopsy. He wants her to come back in five weeks for another scan. Both breast and pancreatic tumor markers are normal. Dr. Tauer suspects it to be breast cancer that has become resistant to the herceptin, the drug she is taking for breast cancer. He is encouraged by the normal tumor markers though, and he said it could be something benign. Please keep praying for her! You can follow Callie's (my cousin) blog here.