Another One Bites the Dust

The "other one" I'm referring to would be yours truly...me. Oh ya'll. Sometimes I feel like my life is out of a movie. I'm just so darn awkward. One of my students told me today after I tripped on the extension cord that I was a catastrophe magnet. Well thank you! I love being told that I'm so very catastrophic. Let me tell you about last night...

So my friend, Jill, scored me a ticket to Govenor Beebe's Inaugural ball last night. It was very last minute; she called me at 4:36. I had to be ready and at her house by 7:30. More than plenty of time for me (I don't require much), but I still have to say it was last minute to make me sound important. I mean, come on, I was going to the ball. Luckily, I had a very long and very fancy maxi dress I had purchased to wear on New Years. And luckily I didn't wear it New Years. This dress, however, was so long (the longest maxi dress known to man) that I had to wear my tallest heels which put me at a whopping 6'1". The dress still touched the ground.

We get to the ball, and I check my Forever 21 coat. I felt sorry for it sitting amongst all the non-fabricated wool and mink coats. Poor thing. We go in and Jill wants to know where all of her friends were. She asked me, the gargantuan, to find them. Don't worry--I did. After the Gov. and his wife had their first dance, two other girls and I took to the dance floor. Why should a perfectly good dance floor go to waste with such fine music playing?  We start dancing and the singer of the band comes down from the stage, grabs my hand, and pulls me back onto the stage. OF COURSE I eat it up! He introduces me to the crowd of a few thousand people. I do the beauty pageant wave (I was in the midst of political royalty), and then he said, "When the music starts, dance how you feel."  Say what??? That's right. He was entrusting me to dance. Has he ever seen me?  So I start. I do the sprinkler first, then whatever else comes to mind. THEN they start singing "Apple Bottom Jeans." Whoa. I had to go low in a ball gown AND five inch heels. But I did it, and I did it like a lady. He helped me down from the stage after the tons of applause, and then they went right into the "Cupid Shuffle." 

I was totally a groupie now. They loved me! I stood at the very front of the dance floor, pointing and making faces at the singers. We were in a love relationship. I felt so famous that I danced in my own row. Please keep in mind that I am the tallest girl out there. Ok? So, I'm dancing away and there's this part in the dance where you kick. Well, I kicked just a bit too hard. My legs (oh yes--both of them) fly up into the air. I land on my right cheek/hip and also hit my shoulder. I am dazed out of my mind. Did I really just fall in front of thousands of people at the inaugural ball while posing as a Democrat? Why yes, I believe I did. I get up and keep dancing, despite the pain. I. Am. A. Trooper.

I felt the stares, the whispers, as I hobble off the stage. I smile. At least my hair looked fabulous!