The Queen of Awkward...let everyone down

Ya'll. What is going on with me? While in Houston, nothing embarrassing, humilifying, or weird happened. Ok take that back. Maybe one slight thing. I knew things were going to be normal when I asked my friend Valorie the following question, "So maybe I should go around talking with an accent? Ya know, so I can liven things up a bit?" She said, "Uh no." She gave me a "I live in Houston now, and I'm too good for accents" look. I got you, Val. Saved by the bell.

I had a great weekend with my friends! I ate horribly, but I was on vacay so it's okaykay. I shopped til I dropped. Geez, there are muchas tiendas (a lot of stores) in that town. I don't know if anyone has told ya'll this, but Houston is BIG. Ok, so Val and I were at Nordstrom Rack in the dressing rooms. I come out to check out my bad self in the 3 way mirrow and OOPS...the door locks behind me. I'm really scared of the girl who worked the dressing room counter. She looked like she could eat me for dinner. So to avoid the giant girl (I can call her giant girl because people have called me that...and I call myself that), I have to crawl under the stall. I somehow get a gigantic bruise on my thigh. How I don't know because my thigh just touched carpet. I also got a terrible awful carpet burn on my elbow. What I do to avoid the giant girl. Oh and then giant girl walked by as Valorie was asking me if I liked the top she had on. I told her she looked like she had a disease. Giant girl did NOT like that comment. I'm thinking, "What giant girl...did you design that blouse? If you did, it should be banished and burned at the stake."

I drove in Houston. That's right...I, Ashley, drove in the big city. After leaving the hyperventilation station, I drove the 2.7 miles to church on Sunday. I didn't have to go on any freeways (thank you good Lord) because I might have died. But look at it this way. If I did die, I would have been going to church so maybe God would smile down upon me.

I also finished The Help while in Houston. You know you have a bosom friend when you can go on a vacay and read with your friend. I arrived Friday night; Valorie and I read until 2:30 in the morning. We read aloud to each other, with our southern voices. Why they didn't choose us for the parts, I have no earthly. If you haven't read The Help, YOU MUST. It's a work of art, the way Kathryn Stockett writes in the voices of black women in the 1960s. Amazing in every way.

Have a blessed Tuesday everyone. Peace and blessings!