Have you ever had to tap your leg for your words to come out?

I have. I stuttered so badly in the 2nd grade. That's when it was caught anyway--in Mrs. Alford's Christmas play. Yep. I was the Christmas fairy angel thing, and I had to tap my wand on my leg to make my words come out. Do you know how humilified I was? I mean, come on. I had to endure 2 or 3 (help me mom) years of speech therapy with a woman who would open up a package of Smarties at the end of the week and say, "Pick one."  She ate the rest of them right in front of me. What brought on these wonderful memories was my wonderful students making fun of a sweet girl in my class that was stuttering. You better believe I went off.

I told them when it all started. Let's see, there was "train track face" in kindergarten from the eight stitches between my eyes from my "running into a parked car" accident. In 3rd grade it was "four eyes bug eyes" for wearing my lovely purple floral spectacles. I hated that bus ride for so long with nasty Tina Pumila. yuck. 4th grade was "fat load" by two certain boys that I had the pleasure of hearing my mother chew out. A few years past, so the boys whipped out the big guns. 9th-12th grade the names were "Smoshly the blue whale", "the beast" (and they would growl as if the name wasn't painful enough), "dinosaur", and "wooly mammoth".  As they kindly reminded me then, I will remind you know. Those are the four largest mammals that ever roamed the earth and sea.

After I told my wonderful students these stories, they asked me "Were you fat or something?" I said, "I'll let you be the judge. I have the same pink polo (child size 16) that I wore in the 6th grade."  All of their mouths dropped because they realized I have been the same size since 6th grade and I'm not a gargantuan by any means. I love seeing the realization hit them...the truth that kids can be so brutal.

It took me years, years, years, to even have an ounce of confidence about my appearance. Luckily I had wonderful parents that always told me how beautiful I was inside and out and wonderful friends. But still, it's like I needed that confirmation from my peers. I have been there, and it isn't pretty. Did I hold a grudge? Absolutely. Those boys that called me those names made me feel skeptical towards all boys. After my freshman year of college, I came back to Nashville for the summer and one of those boys who called me names asked me out on a date. I LOVED the fact that I told him, "Absolutely not" as I smiled and walked away. I secretly relished in his being rejected by "the beast, the dinosaur, wooly mammoth, and smoshly the blue whale."

Do I still feel insecure at times? Yes, but I am believing more in myself. I have precious students whom I love dearly. I truly do. But I see in them things that they will learn the hard way unfortunately. As much as I reach out to them, you know they will go down paths more commonly walked. It's weird being a bystander. For all those boys that made fun of me, this is what I think of you:



Who could possibly make fun of this chunky, blond-headed angel?



By the way, new favorite band is the Avett Brothers. Download immediately.

The Avett Brothers