Heartbreak Hotel

Sometimes I forget just how perfect a childhood I had. Today was a day when I was flooded with those grateful memories of my wonderful, Christian parents. I'd noticed one of my most vocal students had missed the past four class periods which is unlike her. She loves Spanish; she loves me or so she tells me daily. I don't even have to say it first. She is always coming in with the daily gossip and a huge smile. Not today.

She shows up for class today only to be checked out 15 minutes into class. I said, "Ok chica. What's going on?" She said she didn't want to talk about it. I said, "Well you're going to because I need to know why you've not been in my class.". We go out in the hallway. She proceeds to tell me that her mother is being charged with 3rd degree battery and assault...for beating her. DHS has removed her from her home, and she is now living with a foster family. She missed school because of the severe bruises on her body, mainly on her back making it very uncomfortable for her to sit.

I was stunned. I didn't say anything for what seemed like an eternity. I then asked, "Do you want to be with your mother?" She quickly responded with a no. I hug her, but I can't let go. I'm crying at this point which I know teachers aren't supposed to do, but I didn't care. What was ironic about the situation was SHE was consoling ME. I want to just hold her and love her and let her know that she is so incredible and so strong to be able to tell someone.

I continue crying as she reassures me that she is ok. She will be fine. I tell her I love her like I tell all of my students. And I truly do. They are MY kids. And it just makes me so sad that one of my kids is hurting. Y'all. I don't know. I worry so much about my kiddos. Pray that she can continue to be strong and that she can stay in school. Fostering at this age can be disastrous. Pray for her foster family, and pray for her mother. Pray for me because right I'm having images of her mother getting hit by a bus. Don't worry. She doesn't die, but it's still not a good thought to have.


-Ashe

Sad day in Spanish 3rd Even

One of my favorite students left me. Yep up and left me to move to where? LOUISIANA. I'm trying not to be a hater but an appreciater, but it's not working at the moment. Carlos was the type of student who was always suspended, but somehow we connected. He had a B in my class which was probably the only B he's ever had. He truly was my favorite and the other students knew it. But it was different with him. I caught him cheating twice. He flat out was staring at another student's test. I'm like, "Dude! Hello...I see you. Fail with dignity." Then Carlos said, "Well I would if I knew what it was!"

That's when we bonded. He was spunky and could put up with my sarcastic comments because he knew I loved him. I love all of my students, but I have a yearning for Carlos to succeed more so than some of my others. I have faith that many of my kids will get into colleges and have successful jobs, but some of them like Carlos need the assurance from parents and teachers. I'm not sure he was getting that at home or at school.

I'm typing this, boo hooing (and listening to Irish music), and I think it's because I'm scared for him. I want him to be in my environment because I know that I would smother him with encouragement. I hope to goodness he gets it because he wants to do well. Why do the good ones always get plucked from me?? Tell me why baby why baby why baby why? I mean ya'll. Who's going to tell me that I sing "brutaful"? Bless that child. Pray for him that he will grow wherever in Louisiana they move. I've never been more attached to a class in such emotional ways. They are so special to me. Maybe this Irish music is making me extra weepy. You know...I love Irish music. I L.O.V.E. "Danny Boy". Classic Irish song for me...an Irish American :)

Confliction and a revelation

So, the first two days of school have come and gone, and the tears have been flowing. But they are not for reasons you think. I have such a fantastic group of kids and for that I count my blessings. This has been weighing heavy on me since school started yesterday. Sometimes students come in with the big head, and I can already tell what kind of students they are going to be. A girl came in with an attitude; played the right way we might get along. It was still too early to tell. We are going through the syllabus, I see some students getting sleepy so I begin to call on random students to read from the syllabus. I call on this one girl, the one with the 'tude, and she looked at me quizzically. I thought she wasn't paying attention so I directed her to the appropriate bullet on the syllabus. She reads the sentence, and we move on. A few minutes later, she raises her hand and asks, "Can I talk to you outside?" I said, "Sure thing. Is it something that needs to be discussed at this moment?" She said, "No, it can wait." She is very participatory in class and outspoken. Maybe I was wrong about her; maybe we will get along.

The bell rings. She is walking out so I yell to her to come back. I asked her what she needed to speak to me about, and she said (looking down to the floor), "Will you not call on me to read in class?" I asked why and she said, "The other kids make fun of me because I can't say some of the words." So I asked if she stuttered and then went on to explain that I used to stutter as well. She said, "No, I have trouble reading." I said that I would talk to the literacy coach. My first impression was shock. For a tenth grade girl to have willingly admitted that was beyond my comprehension because most girls at that age are embarrassed just to be wearing a shirt from Wal-Mart. My second thought was that she was lying to me to get out of reading in class. I can't help that thought. After teaching the juniors and seniors last year, they lied to me left and right about everything. It's sad I can't trust my students.

I thought about that all last night, and I decided to talk to the literacy coach today. We checked her literacy and benchmark scores. She was reading on a 4th grade reading level and tested below basic in literacy on the benchmark. My heart dropped. The literacy coach goes on to tell me that she is one of the hardest workers and strives to do well. She has, in fact, improved throughout the years. She is still on a 4th grade reading level however. It's no wonder she gave me a funny look when I asked her to read. That was at 10:30 this morning. I thought about her ALL DAY LONG. Yes, there are many students that can't read well and that read on extremely low levels, but something about this girl's brutal honesty hit hard. I got home and just sobbed. This is a situation where I feel so helpless. I want to help this sweet girl, but I have no idea how. How am I to teach her Spanish when it's difficult for her to learn her native language? And think of the guts she has to come and talk to me about that. I cried for her today. I have cried to my neighbor about it, and I have talked to God about it. Prayer sends clarity, but sometimes it's not right away.

I think about her and wonder if her other classes are a safe haven for her. Students can be so cruel. I want to hug her and protect her and tell her, "Yes, you can do it!" And I will because that's all I know to do. I will create that safe place for her. I will worry about her and her success. It just hurts me because she works so hard. She asks for help and wants to learn. That's where I'm having the biggest issue. I'm so blessed, and I am thankful yet it has ruined my perception. I didn't have trouble in school. I had parents who read to me. I have such confliction inside of me, and I am torn up. Pray that I have clarity on how to help this willing girl, and pray that she and other students in her same predicament succeed. Even if success is just reading that one challenging sentence, pray that they have that success.

It's these moments in my career that I realize that this is what I am supposed to do forever. And I had the revelation today that I am meant to be in public school. Students like her keep me humble and allow me to remember everything I have. I can read. What a gift in itself. They have NO idea they help me in life. No idea. Remember to think about these precious souls, even the ones who drive us crazy, as you are reading your magazine or book tomorrow. Be thankful.

Southern women are different. That's a fact.

My friend, Caroline, introduced me to a magazine called Gardens and Gun. She said there was an article in there that reminded her a lot of me, and she insisted I read it. So I did, and I will say there were parts of it that definitely screamed "Ashley!". You know, until you go out of the south, you don't realize how blessed southern women are. We have it all--beauty (I'm not trying to sound vain), hospitality, ability to cook, and respect for ourselves and others. The list could go on and on. Here is an excerpt from the article that really hit home:

               "To be made a Southern woman is to be made aware of your distinctiveness. The expectations. Which is why even the girls in the trailer parks paint their nails. And why you will never see Reese Witherspoon wearing sweatpants. Being Southern means handwritten thank-you notes, using a rhino horn's worth of salt in every recipe, and never leaving the house with wet hair. Not even in the case of fire. Because wet hair is low-rent. It shows you don't care, and not caring is not something Southern women do, at least when it comes to our hair. This is less about vanity than self-respect, a crucial distinction often lost on non-southerners. Side note: Southern women do not capitalize on their looks to snag men, though that often results. The reason we Southern women take care of ourselves is because, simply, Southern women are caretakers.
                An example: I have lived in the North for 15 years. In all that time, only once did another woman prepare me a home-cooked meal (and she was from Florida). I recently visited Tennessee for one week and was fed by no fewer than three women. Southern women are willing to give and listen. Southern women are also a proud lot. In any setting, at home or abroad, Southern women declare themselves [Well, you know what they say about us Arkansas girls...].
               Southern women know how to bake a funeral casserole and why you should. Southern women know how to make other women feel pretty. Southern women like men and allow them to stay men. Southern women know that manners count and that your mother deserves a phone call every Sunday. Southern women can say more with a cut of their eyes than a whole debate club's worth of speeches. Which brings us to what can only be called: the Baby Thing. Southern women love babies. We love them so much we grab their chubby thighs and pretend to eat them alive. This is not the case in the North or the West or the middle bit. I grew up, like all Southern girls, babysitting as soon as I was old enough to tie my own shoes. I was raised to understand that taking care of children was as natural and inevitable as sneezing. I was also taught that your children are not supposed to be your best friends. Southern women do not spend a lick of time worrying about whether or not their kids are mad at them, which might explain why there are rarely any Southern kids acting a fool and running wild around the Cracker Barrel.
                I want my children to know how to make biscuits. And to not feel bad about eating a whole heaping plate of them. "

You're asking, "Wow Ashtray! Did you type out the entire article?" No, I didn't. But I encourage you to go get this magazine. It makes me proud to say I am a pure-bred Southern woman.

So it looks like I'm headed to NYC on Wednesday!! My friend Jillian is apartment sitting in Manhattan and her mother very graciously paid for my ticket with her airline miles. Can you believe how blessed I am? I don't want to stop traveling, but...I have a job. I'm flying to Dallas tomorrow night, staying with Jillian's mom, and flying out to NYC Wednesday morning. I CAN'T wait!!!! I've been packed for two days...literally.

Another bit of good news is that I'll be at east campus full-time this year AND I get my own classroom! I can't wait to finally feel settled somewhere. I'll have a busy week of preparation when I return from NYC. I hope you all have been as blessed as I have been this summer. Please continue to pray for Aunt Tricia. Even rockstars like her need prayers :).

Peace and Blessings!

The Good, the Bad, and the Not So Pretty

Hey ya'll. So since my trip, I haven't been inspired to write. It left me feeling incomplete in the sense that I didn't spend the time I needed to over there. It's not that I'm unhappy here because that isn't the case at all. I just need to spend more time rolling around in God's creation because ya'll, it is breath-taking. I'll go back next summer. FOR SURE. If you haven't figured out by now, I am writing again. Something obviously inspired me, so I will share that with you.

Let's start with the ugly or the uh....
The Not So Pretty

• My Aunt Tricia who has battled cancer three times had to go in for a pet scan today due to swollen lymph nodes around her original breast cancer site. We won't know the results until Tuesday when Dr. Tauer returns to the office. I ask for diligent prayers on her behalf. You can read more about this on my cousin's blog Mostly Sweet

The Bad

• School starts back for teachers August 8. Why?! Why can't we have until September?! I BEG YOU wonderful state department.
• I was at dinner last night with my friends Annesley and Meredith. We went to a restaurant called Sangria and ordered different kinds of tapas. I was eating one of my favorite tapas that I had often in Spain and the tears began to flow. I miss Spain and the food and the people and the culture and outside cafes where the heat doesn't melt you.

The Good

• I just got back from a wonderful visit with Meredith, Jonathan and baby Chandler. It's always hard to say goodbye to those you love!
• I leave tomorrow for Nashville, AR with a group of wonderful girls for our 2nd annual peach weekend. Unfortunately, there may not be any ripe peaches but that won't stop us from having a fun time. That's fo sho. The menu for this weekend is yummy and heart-clogging. You don't want to miss it!
• I still have to update you on London, so yay for me for getting to reminisce some more!! For those of you that could care less, go clip your nose hairs. That will be your intermission. London will be in a separate post fo schnizzel.

Palma de Mallorca, Spain

Smooth day=tired Ashley

I feel that I complain a lot. I'm sorry if I do. It's not really complaining but am opening up of my mental ducts. They need to be cleaned quite frequently. So today was the day I got my new students. Every seat was filled. The room's air conditioner sounds like there's a bulldozer in my room, but I try to overlook that small thing. Not one student was absent.

I forewarned the assistant principal that I may be sending some bugars his way with a big, fat referral. I had my referrals filled out and ready. Did I have to use one? No, not even close. I was amazed at how well everything went. It wasn't overly chaotic, no fights, only one girl cursed. I call that success! Now our next class meeting may be totally different. I'm not saying there won't be bumps in the road, but my old students know that I quickly dispose of bumps. No one will interfere with my educating another student.

I was pleased. Worn out to a T but pleased.  I had new students come up to me later this afternoon to tell me that they had a lot of fun in class today and that I was a really cool teacher.  I said, "I'm glad you had a good first impression, but don't be surprised if you end up hating me at the end of the semester. Impressions change."  Hey, I'm only realistic. I hope all days will be as successful!

Weddings, trips, and other things

Ya'll. What has happened to me? I have neglected my blog and look what happens. I have a book to write. First off, let me tell you about my latest book. I guess I should say books since it's a trilology.

They are so good! The best young adult series I've read in a while, and I highly recommend them. I also read The Splendor of Silence and let me tell ya. It stunk. This is the second book in my whole entire existence that I've not finished. It was so very boring. I DO NOT recommend.

So onto my life...my job is getting a wee bit more stressful as of tomorrow. One of the Spanish teachers is out for the rest of the year with a very sick child. I've posted her blog on here before. The long-term substitute they hired came for a week and left. She said it was medical problems, but it was probably those lovely angels she was hired to teach. With all of that said, the other two Spanish teachers and I will be carrying the load. I will get 14 students in my first period class which will put me at 27 crazies in one period. Lord be with me and give me the strength not to run away. It could happen, ya'll. It could. I'm preparing myself for the worst and hoping the worser of the worst won't happen.

Other than that, things have been running smoothly. I learn so much from my kids. I learned they are called Generation Rx for prescription drug abuse. Sometimes they tell me more than I really need to know, and I want to keep my innocence. Yesterday was "Free Hugs from Ms. Jamison" day. My 11th and 12th graders loved that day! I would make it everyday but that would take the fun out of it, ya know? As hard-headed and lazy as they are sometimes, I sure do love them. I love to see them do well on a test when they've been failing all the other ones, and I love to see their faces when they know a Spanish word without looking it up in their dictionary. Pure and simple love for these kiddos. Now don't let my love fool you...it's often mingled with frustration and a very tight weave :). My kids tell me my weave is too tight when I'm not in the best of moods.

April 29th is the day when all grad school assignments have to be turned in, yes sir. Rejoice in the Lord. That is a day I will remember forever. I hope to get done before then but who knows. At my rate of slower than nothing that might not happen. Graduation is May 7, and no, I'm not walking. That's my one day off from my students. I'm not giving it up to go sit in a gym fanning myself in my cap and gown. A N and an O spell NO.

Let's talk about spring break and how it was fun! YES! I kicked off spring break with a wedding. Say what? Not mine sillies. Harding friends Britton and Kaitlin tied the knot in Monroe, LA on March 19. Julie, Jill and I roadtripped down and made it a fun day trip. An awesome college reunion! I saw so many friends I haven't seen in five years, so it was nice to catch up with everyone. Of course the best part was spending time with Meredith and Chandler. Any time I have with my niece is a blessing!

The Bryans: Jonathan, Meredith and sweet Chandler.

Jules and me. Wat up roadie?!

Buggy and me

Jillian and her crazy friend that is ADD because she gets easily distracted and doesn't look at the camera.

Erin's daughter Sullivan meets Chandler for the first time. Future Harding cutie pies!

My best friend Meredith and me

The newlyweds: Britton and Kaitlin Burton.

I bought 27 new books at McKay's. I know. I am so bad, but I couldn't help myself. I think I have an addiction. Truly. I get a high when I'm in there smelling all that yummy paper smell and holding the words of goodness in my hands. I'm so glad I'm literate because I feel I would be extremely lonely without my books to fill my imagination.

Nashville, TN was rainy and cold, but that didn't stop the fun. I got to meet Blake for the first time. She is such a joy to be around--such a happy baby. Each time I looked at her, she smiled. She smiles all the time and is constantly on the go like her momma. It was great to be back with Cali and Audra and to spend some quality time with them. It makes me thankful for wonderful, Christian friends!

Blake and me on our first meeting :)

Audra, Beau, and me on our walk that quickly turned into a rainy sprint.

Friends together again!



Lauren and me before dinner at Mafiaoza's and Tin Roof. So great to see her!

I ended my spring break stopping in Memphis on my way back. I had dinner with a very lovely lady: Grandmother. That was the icing on the cake for me. It was a wonderful trip! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week!

Peace and blessings,
Ashley

My Birthday Extravaganza (and my award)

It was a blast! Caroline and I had our joint birthday party at Ferneau again because it was such a success last year. Being in a place with all of your friends is so awesome, so why not do the same thing again. Nine of our friends had dinner with us in the private room at Ferneau. This is where the fun began. As I was opening my presents, I flung a piece of tissue paper out of the bag and it landed on a candle. Flames shoot up. I calmly poor three glasses of water on the fire. My friend Valorie was amazed at my calmness. I just have to remind her I put out "fires" every day at school, and I must be calm and collected.

Besides the fire, I had a wonderful time. Wearing a mask and getting all gussied up is so much fun! I even wore fake eyelashes! 



The Birthday Girls--Caroline and me



My favorite part--cake!




My fabulous friends--Valorie, Sarah, Caroline, Jill, Carla, Emily, and me.




The roomies--Caroline, me and Kristi.

Lastly, I must tell you about something. This will sound indulgent, but it truly was shocking. I got an AWARD today at the faculty meeting!! I know, right? I got the I Challenge Students award, and I was chosen by Mr. Allen, the principal.   He said that when he came in to informally observe my class, I was differentiating instruction.  He talked about the rap I created, how I got the students to give me the beat, how I let my hair down, and made a fool of myself just to get my students' attention. I was shocked for a number of reasons: 1) When it is a day I am at the other campus, we aren't required to come back over for staff meetings at the other campus. Mr. Allen emailed me and asked me to be at this one. I thought I was in trouble.  2) I am the new teacher on the block. 3) I knew deep down in my heart that I was differentiating my instruction but I was just trying to prevent my students from falling asleep...again. I have to think on my feet. No wonder my voice is so hoarse.

So yay for me! That gave me motivation to finish the race...which will be over June 8. Poop.

Roots

I love art, and I especially love teaching art. That's why I love spring semester so much. I tie in more culture, and although I love music, it's hard to do higher order thinking (something the state pushes) with songs. SO...I do art. I wanted to really draw the students in and get them interested in such a vital part of a culture, so naturally I began with Frida Kahlo. She is by far my favorite. Yes, I know, she was a bisexual. But I think that makes her work so much more awesome. I believe we would have been friends...though I would've had to make my views very clear to her.

Roots by Frida Kahlo

I only showed five paintings, but this one is one of my favorites. It's called Roots, and it really speaks to me. My students loved it because they can relate to being connected to something. To being grounded to something even they may wish otherwise. I could read it on their faces...some were wishing they weren't born and raised in the projects or to have parents that deal drugs. I saw it in their faces because I know their backgrounds. And it makes me think of my background, my roots. Being raised on a farm in Nashville...I have no words to describe the feeling it brings to me when I think about it. Every wonderful word you can think of describes how I feel about my roots.

My roots--Solid Rock Farm



My biological roots. Mom and Dad in high school. Weren't they lovely? Dad + Mom = ME

Have you thought about your roots lately? (and I'm not talking about your hair)





Say HEY for my BIRTHDAY! Hey!

 

My 3rd birthday with the cake my mother made and the dress my mother made. She's pretty awesome!

 So yes, it's been a while since I"ve last posted. Which means, yes, I have so much to tell you. First of all, I had a FABULOUS birthday. It was just a normal day...I know. How can normal be fabulous? I was at the good campus first of all. They are such little blessings to me. I love them so much. Even the ones that can be stinky sometimes. Not as in their actual smell but their behavior.

Side note: listening to Rogue Waves cover of "Every Day", the James Taylor song. I just needed to tell you. And it's ssssooooo good.

Back to the birfday (that's how my students' say it), I was also observed for the first time by my UCA professor. It went stupendously. I couldn't have asked for a better lesson or better students. She said she was very impressed, and then in her email to me later that day she said, "Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your classroom earlier today." I might have given myself a pat on the back. I get observed all the time but coming from my college supervisor, I was impressed with myself. Maybe I just had the big head because it was the day I came into the world. Who knows but I spanked it.

At lunch, my colleagues surprised me with a cookie cake. I was so like, "OH MYLANTA!". So shocked. I loved it. It took me back to college when one of my best friends, Erin, would get a cookie cake for her birthday every year. We loved it when her birthdays came around :). 

It wouldn't be a birthday without my heroicness.  My friend, Libby, called and said she was stuck around the corner. Her car was smoking...literally.  I went to save the day. Bless her heart...she was just trying to bring me my birthday present.


The smoking gun.

For dinner Caroline, Julie, and I went to eat at 1620. Since we are having my big celebration on Friday, we didn't want everyone to pay for two expensive meals. It was just the three of us. It was yummy! I'd never eaten there, and C and I had a groupon. Yeah we did. Just call the bargain hunting virtuoso.

Then the snow came. No school on Friday, so I went to my babysitting job early. I sat for a family with two wonderful kids from Friday until Sunday night. It was nice money for my travels this summer. Look out Europe! I'm coming to see ya!

No school tomorrow. Look out for posts from the past--the journal is coming out. Beware.

Have you ever had to tap your leg for your words to come out?

I have. I stuttered so badly in the 2nd grade. That's when it was caught anyway--in Mrs. Alford's Christmas play. Yep. I was the Christmas fairy angel thing, and I had to tap my wand on my leg to make my words come out. Do you know how humilified I was? I mean, come on. I had to endure 2 or 3 (help me mom) years of speech therapy with a woman who would open up a package of Smarties at the end of the week and say, "Pick one."  She ate the rest of them right in front of me. What brought on these wonderful memories was my wonderful students making fun of a sweet girl in my class that was stuttering. You better believe I went off.

I told them when it all started. Let's see, there was "train track face" in kindergarten from the eight stitches between my eyes from my "running into a parked car" accident. In 3rd grade it was "four eyes bug eyes" for wearing my lovely purple floral spectacles. I hated that bus ride for so long with nasty Tina Pumila. yuck. 4th grade was "fat load" by two certain boys that I had the pleasure of hearing my mother chew out. A few years past, so the boys whipped out the big guns. 9th-12th grade the names were "Smoshly the blue whale", "the beast" (and they would growl as if the name wasn't painful enough), "dinosaur", and "wooly mammoth".  As they kindly reminded me then, I will remind you know. Those are the four largest mammals that ever roamed the earth and sea.

After I told my wonderful students these stories, they asked me "Were you fat or something?" I said, "I'll let you be the judge. I have the same pink polo (child size 16) that I wore in the 6th grade."  All of their mouths dropped because they realized I have been the same size since 6th grade and I'm not a gargantuan by any means. I love seeing the realization hit them...the truth that kids can be so brutal.

It took me years, years, years, to even have an ounce of confidence about my appearance. Luckily I had wonderful parents that always told me how beautiful I was inside and out and wonderful friends. But still, it's like I needed that confirmation from my peers. I have been there, and it isn't pretty. Did I hold a grudge? Absolutely. Those boys that called me those names made me feel skeptical towards all boys. After my freshman year of college, I came back to Nashville for the summer and one of those boys who called me names asked me out on a date. I LOVED the fact that I told him, "Absolutely not" as I smiled and walked away. I secretly relished in his being rejected by "the beast, the dinosaur, wooly mammoth, and smoshly the blue whale."

Do I still feel insecure at times? Yes, but I am believing more in myself. I have precious students whom I love dearly. I truly do. But I see in them things that they will learn the hard way unfortunately. As much as I reach out to them, you know they will go down paths more commonly walked. It's weird being a bystander. For all those boys that made fun of me, this is what I think of you:



Who could possibly make fun of this chunky, blond-headed angel?



By the way, new favorite band is the Avett Brothers. Download immediately.

The Avett Brothers

Ghoulish

I was having my students describe themselves today for their penpal letters. One particular student, we'll call him Sam, is quite peculiar. I'm peculiar, so I have free reign to call others peculiar as well. Sam is different in many ways. Sometimes he says random things. When I ask him what it means, he says that only he and one other person know the secret language. I always say, "So cool. Maybe you can teach me." And then I get the stare...not a scary stare. A stare that says, "Maybe one day I will let her in on my secret language." He's contemplating. Well, today he asked me how to say "ghoulish" in Spanish. I'm usually not surprised by the strange things he says, but today I was caught off guard. I said, "You think you are ghoulish?" He said, "Yes, and dark." I had no earthly how to say ghoulish in Spanish. When would I use that? I looked it up and went on my merry way. He's a sweet kid. Peculiar? Yes, but aren't we all?

A Humble Reminder

I have officially arrived at the Coulter Bed and Breakfast! I am now safely in Houston, TX to begin my luxuriously long weekend with my wonderful friend Valorie. I'm so pumped; I've never been to Houston. Be ready for many awkward moments!

I have to tell you about a conversation I had with one of my students. So I won't violate FERPA, I will call her Alice. First of all, let me preface this story by telling you what happened on November 16. I went to a workshop (teachers, I know what you are thinking...yuck) that changed my life. It changed the way I will teach forever. It was called Teach Like a Rockstar, and Hal (the rockstar man) caused me to laugh and cry. But most importantly he allowed me the opportunity to think about why I actually teach. Of course, I wrote down the obvious: to help students succeed, because I love Spanish, because I love kids. Hal said that wasn't good enough. I needed to search my soul to find the real meaning. And then it hit me. I teach for those moments when I see the light bulb go on, the student gets the information, and produces. I get chills and sometimes misty eyed. THAT is why I teach. I also teach because I know I am the hope some of those kids have.

The next day, I go into my classroom, and I tell them why I'm here. I said, "Thank you so much for coming today. This is going to be your best day ever, and I love you." And one girl said, "You don't love us." And I said, "Yes, I do. Let me tell you why. I come here every day to see the light bulb come on, to see you trying something that is difficult, and it makes me proud." Then another girl said, "Say it again." I wasn't sure what she was wanting me to say again, so I told her my reason again. Then she said, "Say IT again." Then I realized she was wanting me to tell the class I loved them again. I told them, and she said, "I love you too." I knew she meant it, and it felt good. She smiled from ear to ear. From that moment, each student was more motivated...every day. The results were amazing! I told them I love them every single day. I still do.

That was my preface to this. Alice came into my little office one day during lunch "asking about an assignment." I knew she wasn't there for that assignment, but I wasn't exactly sure why she was there. She's super smart, but she's not very talkative. The flood gates opened, and she said she wants to go to college. I told her she can. She said she wants to learn Spanish so that she can talk to Hispanics when she's a doctor. I told her she can. And that's when the tears came. She said, "But I live in the projects." It was a humble reminder of the weight these kids carry around. They think they can't ever get out of the conditions they currently live in, that there will never be opportunities for them. My thoughts melted. I wanted to cry with her, but I said, "Alice, I grew up in the country on a farm. You can't get more country than that. And look at me? I teach Spanish." She then proceeds to tell me about her sister that has been living on the streets for seven years, since her father's death from a drug overdose. And her longing to just talk to her.


These moments haunt me. I can't let them go. They are a constant reminder that no matter how frustrated I get at my students, they are my students. I am their Spanish momma, and I love them. Sometimes I just need reminders.

Oh Happy Day! (Oh Happy Day) Oh Happy Day! (Oh Happy Day)

...when the counselor's washed (ooh), when the counselor's washed (ooh), when the counselor's WASHED (high note) eighteen students away. Lalalalalalala (Lalalalalalala) Lalalalala (Lalalalala) THEY TAUGHT ME HOW (oh they taught me how) TO SCREAM (to scream) TO SCREAM AND YELL (to scream and yell) SCREAM AND YELL AND THEY TAUGHT ME HOW TO GROW TOUGH SKIN!


That was the day I had today. It was like Christmas on January 5! I found out that 18, yes EIGHTEEN, of my students from the bad campus dropped my class. I got a little misty eyed. You have NO IDEA (maybe some of you do) how difficult it is to teach a class with students constantly disrupting because they don't want to be in there. Well Merry Christmas to you too because I think we both got what we wanted. Trust me...I LOVE many of the students at that campus but some will be better off without my class. I wish them the best of luck in their ventures!

Now on to the second happy of the day...my new bookshelf! I bought it from World Market, and I'm in love with it. My friends Jill and Kirstin helped me assemble it tonight. So much fun!

And to the last happy of the day...I got three new students in my 3rd block class today (I was at the good campus). They transferred from within the school. I asked the male student at the end of class, "How are you feeling about this class so far? You look a little worried."

"I feel extremely overwhelmed." I told him to give it another day or two. Then, as I was walking away, I heard the boy sitting next to him whisper to him, "Welcome to the hardest Spanish class of your life. You will die." I turned around quickly, and said, "Why, thank you!"

I prepare my kids for college, that's for sure. Happy Wednesday everyone! Peace and blessings!

Back to school, back to school

Everytime I return to school from a break, whether it's summer, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, I think of Billy Madison singing "Back to School". Weird, I know, but I'm weird. We had a teacher work day today. I was so glad not to have students, but I KNOW that on Wednesday when the little toots return, I will look like the picture below.

Where did the holidays go? It makes me want to burst out in song, "Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why have you gone away?" Wish me luck everyone...I'm ready to pop, drop and lock it. And REMEMBER to work on your 30 by 30. I forgot to add in yesterday, but your 30 things must be things you can control. For instance, I can't put on there that I want to be married by 30. I can't control that. But can I control what I eat? Heck yes. Control.

Mary Christmas and a Wedding

Yes, this is a 10th grader. And no he was not being funny. It was such a good thought though! I was grading essays today (for the semester exam), and one of the essays was about comparing the Day of the Dead or Christmas to the U.S. festivities. One girl answered, "We call mines holiday Christmas, and they call theirs Virgen Mary." aaawwww yes well...not quite so. It amazes me that even if I gave them the exact replica of the test, they still wouldn't study it. I feel things were so much different when I was in school and that wasn't that long ago. I would love your imput friends. Are students different today than they were even a few years ago or was I totally sheltered and oblivious? Be nice now...I know I'm oblivious to a lot of the happenings around me.

Brittany's not a little girl any longer. She's now a married woman! We absolutely love Waylan, and we are so happy for them both. The wedding was a bit chilly, but it was beautiful. It was small (small for our family is large for others) and intimate.

I feel it in my fingers...but not in my toes because it's so COLD! The worst three months of my life have offically begun. I know what you're thinking. It's ironic that a person who hates winter SO much was born in the coldest month of the year, February.

I think congrats are in order for...me! I just finished my last graduate class EVER! I will have freedom now. Instead of leaving school to go to class, I can now stay at school. This excites me because I am so behind in life...TV shows and more importantly books. SO SO SO behind. I'm making up for lost time because I: 1) joined Netflix to catch up on all the TV shows and movies I've missed the last two years of my existence, 2) checked out four books from the library, and 3) joined a book club. WHOA! I know, right? Excitingness is happening right here at the Chalet.

Brush Your Shoulders Off

HAPPY FALL!

One of my best friends in the entire world got to come visit during my four day weekend. It is so wonderful to spend time with Meredith and Baby Chandler!



Ya'll, I'm not going to lie. The past few months, there have been a whirl wind of emotions. Love, hate, sorrow, self pity...you name it and I felt it. After a four day weekend, I am much improved and ready for Thanksgiving. Oh I love me some Pilgrims! God bless America and the Mayflower. Through all of these wonderful emotions, I have had to say to myself, "Brush your shoulders off." You said it straight, Jay-Z.

I said that to one of my students yesterday. She was a bit confused after we learned definite and indefinite articles. I told her that it would come with time and practice, and I also told her to "brush you shoulders off." Dead (I mean dead) silence...then LAUGHTER! We all got tickled, and I just had to stop teaching a giggle. They just took me down left and right. "Oh no! That's old school." "You said that sooooo white." "You are too white." "You listen to Jay-Z?" "She obviously don't listen to no straight (cool) stuff."

We just laughed and laughed and laughed until...I was the only one laughing. Those who know me well know that I laugh at myself more than anyone else. I just can't help it! I'm just so weird and goofy that I tickle myself. So I am laughing out loud, by myself, and that gets the kids going again. It is so GREAT to laugh with your students! There are those times when it's ok, and you can achieve so much more from your class just from laughing with them. There are many, many, many times when I want to slap them silly or as they say, "Boy, I'm gonna hit you upside yo head."
Caroline's first time to eat AND to cook deer steak. Everyone has to have the deer steak experience of eating and frying it up real nice :).


It's just so very difficult to form relationships with students in such a tough environment. I went into the school year thinking that I was going to help all the kids that needed help. Well let me tell you, I was WRONG. Maybe I am helping in some way. Maybe they haven't let their guards down. All I know is that I am just trying to survive mentally every day. That's all I know right now. I made a B on two grad school assignments. I told myself I wouldn't cry--it's just a grade--it doesn't matter. But then I realized I just have to survive (and of course, pass ).

So yes, I am good. Healthy as a horse. It's all about perspective, and that is a very hard concept for me. You always think you have it the hardest when, oh no girl and boy (if there are any that read this), there's always someone out there that has had a poopier day.

Dinner with Chance and Timmy B.




















Halloween party!

Updates:

Aunt Tricia--has taken two rounds of chemo. Read the latest here at http://www.mostlysweet.blogspot.com/. Please keep Trixie in your prayers! She started a new drug called Tarceva this week, so please pray that it's effective and that the side effects are mild.

Brittany and Waylan--they are getting hitched on November 20. I can't believe it's finally here. On a sadder note, their Maltese, Duke, was run over and killed yesterday. They are devasted! It's like losing a child. Duke was even in their engagement pics. Pray for them as well!

This my sister and Duke.

Joy will come in the morning

Two weeks ago yesterday my Paw Paw passed from this life. I knew it would come sooner than later with him battling symptoms of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). I just wasn't expecting it so soon. There was more I was wanting to do and say, and it just makes me sad I will never get to say them. I am, however, so glad I got to spend one-on-one time with him and Grandmother in June. What good memories I have of that visit! My favorite was when he was eating the strawberry bread I brought them, and he said, "Well, I like Zucchini bread better." He was quite a character.

Psalm 30:5 says "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." It wil be so sad not to see him anymore, but as Angel, a three year old that goes to Grandmother and Paw Paw's church said, "Paw Paw Hester is perfect now. He can walk around up there." To see death through the eyes of a child!

Then the first day of school rolls around. It makes me ill thinking about it. I have two first days of school since I'm floating between two campuses. Thursday comes. It's my day to go to the campus that houses the 9th and 10th grades. I wake up extra early so I can be prepared mentally and physically. I get to school at 7:30 (school starts at 8:40) and make sure my cart is set up. For those of you who don't know, I don't have a classroom of my own. I have a cart that I move from class to class. Nothing was going right that morning. I take my cart downstairs via the elevator because that's where my first period is. My cart got stuck in the metal part of the elevator, comes apart, and papers fall off. I want to say curse words but refrain. I can't blend in with the students.

After first period, I go down the hall to a different classroom. That period was ok too. I'm just not used to the sassiness of those kids. By this time, it's 11:45. I am starving! And then it hits me...I have one more 90 minute class to go. I don't have lunch until 1:30. I don't have time to pee or eat a snack because I've got to move this blasted cart around. I resent the cart. I want to kick the cart and spit on it. But I can't. I have a class full of students waiting on me.

I make it. I'm late because I've got to go to the 2nd floor. I hate floors. I realized I'd left my poster with my objectives and agenda on it in the previous classroom. Boob. I hate posters. The bell rings to dismiss. My legs want to cry. I want to eat and pee. I don't know what I needed more at the time. I ate or scarfed is more like it. I sat down and melted into my seat. I realized I had not sat down since I'd gotten to school at 7:30 that morning. I didn't have a chance. Usually I rest in between classes but now I have to move a cart from classroom to classroom. My legs literally ached and felt swollen. I hate aching and swelling.

Overall, it really was a good day. The kids were pretty good--no major problems. The bad part was the cart thing. I really do not have time to pee, eat a snack, or sit. This could be a problem. I am going to have to buy a stool for each classroom I guess.

Next day...Friday. Should be a wonderful day. TGIF. Think again. I am at the other campus. First block was fine. I had to wake a kid up already. They were really quiet. 2nd block--not so quiet. Plus I'm in a room where the air conditioner is extremely loud. The kids have to repeat everything. They were a bit talkative and sassy. There are some sweet ones though.

Lunch time. I forgot my lunch, and I didn't bring any money. Hungry. I hate forgetting. Luckily I brought some dried apricots to eat as a snack. 4th block...if this is what hell is like I am for sure not going. IT WAS AWFUL! I have NEVER had a problem with classroom management before. EVER! There was one student imparticular that I had a huge problem with. He kept falling asleep. After the 2nd time, I tapped him and told him to stand up. He said, "No, I'm not standing up." I told him again to stand up. He said, "No that's stupid. Leave me alone." I said that there is not backtalk in my room. He asked if he could leave. I said no. I continued teaching class. As I taught, I wrote him a short form which is a warning. I had no idea what the discipline measures were at this school. I just knew he couldn't get away with that. I told him to stay after class. We talked and I told him to never do that again, that I was calling his mother, and telling his administrator.

It was a zoo especially when the last 15 minutes of class rolled around and I realized I had nothing else for them to do. I FINISHED EARLY. What. A. Nightmare. I was spent. I could think of nothing else for them to do. I let them talk but then it escalated. I got them quiet and told them no talking for the rest of the class.

After class, I went to the other Spanish teacher and cried my eyes out. What am I doing here?? Do I really want to be this stressed out? She was so sweet and said I did the right thing. She said, "At least he didn't throw his desk at you or call you a Mother $#$@#%." It's true. That happened to her. I spoke to the administrators who have been oh so helpful to me. They said not to put up with a second of that behavior. Send them to their administrator immediately. That made me feel better too.

What really gets me is my unpreparedness for that type of situation. I should have made myself more familiar with the disciplinary procedures so that I could have dealt with that more efficiently. This has definitely helped me learn the procedures. I'm sure I will have more of these incidents. Now I will be more confident in my ability to handle them.

I'm in the right place. I will find something good and great in every student. Who knows how long it will take, but pray for me Pray that the Lord lets me find those good things and wipes away the bad images. There is teaching to do!