Sunday, February 20, 2011

Do you ever have those moments when you are in the middle place of emotions?

So I had lunch with my parents, Brittany, and Caleb today at Dixie Cafe. Not my choice, but I didn't complain. I even drove all the way to Cabot to eat because I hadn't seen my dad yet. I haven't seen my parents since Christmas or been home to Nashville since Christmas. I've been a very bad family member. I'll make up for it--I promise. By the way, this was the first time in a very long time that it has just been us five. No Waylan or Brooke this time. It was very strange but nice. Me likey.

I hug the parents bye, and no sooner than I drive out of my parking spot, the tears flow. Cry me a river, why don't ya. I was caught in this middle place of "little Ashley" and "big Ashley". It never gets easier leaving my parents whether it's in the parking lot of Dixie Cafe or driving down my dirt road back to LR.   The tears always come. Of course they don't know this (I guess they will now). I remember my mother saying this when we would leave Memphis, how it was so hard to leave. In college I couldn't wait to get back to my friends, but now? Now I want to go back, but I want to stay. Those of you who don't live in the same town as your parents, please tell me you know what I'm talking about. There's just something about driving away and leaving. What if I never see them again? What if something happens to them? Sometimes I just wish I had my parents here all the time. Those of you who have that privilege, you have no idea how fortunate you are. To have people that can love you in person. That's life though. UGH! I'm not complaining. I'm just stating my feelings. A statation of the feelation.
Some think we look alike...
The Outsiders had their second meeting tonight, and I must say it went quite well. We actually discussed the book, and we did so quite thoroughly. We discussed House Rules by Jodi Picoult which turned out to be a very good discussion because it deals with Asberger's. Those types of issues can be very controversial and lead to very heated discussions. I hope we were that table that was annoyingly loud talking about awesome things. I'm sure we sounded intelligenter (or is it more intelligent?) (I do think it's more intelligent...) than everyone else talking with really big words. Our next month's read is Push by Sapphire. That will be very relevant to my students, and I'm very excited to finally read it. I saw the movie and was naseauted at such behavior. Truly naseauted that things like that happen. Every. Single. Day. 

I thought my sweet little old lady neighbor died today. Caroline said she saw an ambulance and a police car there this morning, and there were tons of cars there this afternoon. She was however, sitting up on the gurney when they willed her out. Hhhhmmm...I will try to unfold the myster tomorrow. But just in case she did pass away, pray for her family. She was (or is) a sweet old lady. Either way, prayer is good and ambulances are bad. If you don't remember the one time when I called a woman from church about her husband dying, you must read this.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Before mother passed away, she and I both cried every single time we left each other whether it was her leaving here or me leaving Nashville. One day, I asked her why she was crying (just to see if it was the same reason I cried) and she said, "what if this is the last time I ever see you?"

In July 2008, she followed me to DeQueen so we could eat at Pizza Hut together before I made my way home. As we got ready to leave, my son began to cry, clung to mother like never before and kept saying I love you & then he said to her, "what if this is the last time I see you"? Sadly, it was the last time he saw her alive because she died just a few days later!

I had talked to her on the phone the night befofe & told her 50 or more times how much I loved her. I am so HAPPY she knows and I know how we felt about each other!

So keep crying...it's OK!! And most importantly, tell those you love them how you feel so those tears are not tears of regret!